Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A Paradigm Shift

It feels so disconcerting

this paradigm shift,

that tramples through my thoughts like, shadows gray;

if I start to yield a comfort

because a spin doctor's around,

then my resolve has just begun it's sad, decay.

You may completely know this

shearing of our ledgers,

it happens as with a whisper at the dawn;

yet, everyone still heard

each perpetuated lie,

they can start, & end the shearings' on our lawns.

No sadder fate exists in life

than being drawn, & led astray;

and tricked, as if we're just a bunch of cattle;

those of us with wits in place

must pull a bit more than our weight;

or we may never see past our first battle.

We must turn this all around

or end up grazing aimlessly,

we must believe "we really are the people"!

Accustomed to a liars grin

as we're jolted by their cattle prods,

they'll catalog each one of us as "sheeple"!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

A very exceptional theme though the portrayal was not as clear as the word paradigm describes, as distinct concepts or thought patterns.
The theme seemed lost in a jumble, this is not as you usually write.
The theme can be sorted and the whole pie put into Stanzas it would break the flow and give better thought.
Sorry I am being blunt on this one, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

...i greatly apologize for my tardy replyal, i've been gravely ill.
doing better, now. this poem was for a contest with a very specific prompt, with a limit to the ammount of lines it could have.
guess i don't do well within restraints.
thanx, again;
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

I hope that you are fully recovered now.
My wife is in Hospital at the moment with some unknown affliction hope that we have her home this week.
You take care of you, and not to worry about the odd write, this happens when boundaries are set and it restricts the poem,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

...hope all turns well, with your lady love. i understand your concerns, and can only hope to ever glimpse, of such a gem.
i would like to hear your input as to the ending of my submission for the story-telling in verse workshop.
it's called, The Visitors. the reason for the alternating small, and large caps was to show the writing progress.
thanx,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.