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Our Proposal

You said “What about it”

I said “What about what”

“Marriage and all that”

I didn’t look up in case you weren’t sincere

Because you are everything I hold dear

“Well” you said

I lifted my head

We looked at each other

Our smiles you couldn’t smother

I don’t think either of us actually ever did propose

Things just happened I suppose

It was just decided there and then

Now we’ve chose the place and when

Being a recession

We just had a session

The ring has to wait

More important that we get our date

Deposits are paid on music and venue

Were still deciding on the menu

I know a surprise you’ll spring

When I do get that ring

We’re both over forty

And oh so flirty

Wouldn’t it be such a laugh

To stick out our tongues for a photograph

Just a reminder for anyone who’s lonely

He or she is out there looking for you only

We’ve found love, we fit like a glove

So remember it’s never to late to meet your soul mate

Ray loads of hugs ‘n kisses
Can’t wait to be your missus

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

Work on the vocabulary, find wonderful expression. You can do better

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Thanks I'll Try

author comment

Your words meaing abd ower,, Your You chag the work. You can do it. /aex Nachette,

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

This shows promise, your enthusiasm came over loud and clear, whoopee for you if this is the case too! Ann of Norway

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Hi Thanks and yes this was my first ever attempt at writing a poem I wrote it a year ago and though its not gr8 it won the photographer for my wedding so its special to me have a gr8 day

author comment

welcome to Neopoet !!, I agree with Jess work on the vocab and expression I think you show some real promise, I look forward to watching you grow I have been with Neopoet for a few years now and I have watched first time writers grow to be some of our best poets ...

thanks for your kind comments on my poems

kindest regards Jayne-Chloe(JC)

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

your very welcome I enjoyed them thanks I just write because I like it cheers x

author comment
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