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Our Proposal
You said “What about it”
I said “What about what”
“Marriage and all that”
I didn’t look up in case you weren’t sincere
Because you are everything I hold dear
“Well” you said
I lifted my head
We looked at each other
Our smiles you couldn’t smother
I don’t think either of us actually ever did propose
Things just happened I suppose
It was just decided there and then
Now we’ve chose the place and when
Being a recession
We just had a session
The ring has to wait
More important that we get our date
Deposits are paid on music and venue
Were still deciding on the menu
I know a surprise you’ll spring
When I do get that ring
We’re both over forty
And oh so flirty
Wouldn’t it be such a laugh
To stick out our tongues for a photograph
Just a reminder for anyone who’s lonely
He or she is out there looking for you only
We’ve found love, we fit like a glove
So remember it’s never to late to meet your soul mate
Ray loads of hugs ‘n kisses
Can’t wait to be your missus
Comments
weirdelf
Fri, 2012-11-09 20:54
Sincere but your use of language could be improved
Work on the vocabulary, find wonderful expression. You can do better
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
sueb
Fri, 2012-11-09 05:46
Thanks I'll Try
Thanks I'll Try
weirdelf
Fri, 2012-11-09 06:14
This is not the best if you.
Your words meaing abd ower,, Your You chag the work. You can do it. /aex Nachette,
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Nordic cloud
Fri, 2012-11-09 10:32
This shows promise, your
This shows promise, your enthusiasm came over loud and clear, whoopee for you if this is the case too! Ann of Norway
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
sueb
Fri, 2012-11-09 10:51
Hi Thanks and yes this was my
Hi Thanks and yes this was my first ever attempt at writing a poem I wrote it a year ago and though its not gr8 it won the photographer for my wedding so its special to me have a gr8 day
Seren
Tue, 2012-11-13 06:02
Hi Sue
welcome to Neopoet !!, I agree with Jess work on the vocab and expression I think you show some real promise, I look forward to watching you grow I have been with Neopoet for a few years now and I have watched first time writers grow to be some of our best poets ...
thanks for your kind comments on my poems
kindest regards Jayne-Chloe(JC)
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
sueb
Tue, 2012-11-13 06:41
your very welcome I enjoyed
your very welcome I enjoyed them thanks I just write because I like it cheers x