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Expectant

Submitted by sueb on Tue, 2013-03-12 11:41

Handcuffed

Bound

to a chair

Blindfold

tethered

wet down there

Scared

excited

nipples bare

Arched

prepared

expectant air

Frustrated

unsated

not fair

Ahh, finally, he’s here

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

William Saint George

Tue, 2013-03-12 14:14

William Saint George's picture

...and I thought it was Esker's. Good work creating the imagery with single words and short phrases.

I don't see the deliberate structure in this though, but it's lovely.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

sueb

Tue, 2013-03-12 14:41

sueb's picture

thanks a mil William cheers x

author comment

Frenchf

Tue, 2013-03-12 19:31

And in full form!
Wow

sueb

Tue, 2013-03-12 19:44

sueb's picture

yep been a bit ill glad you enjoyed cheers x

author comment

Ian.T

Tue, 2013-03-12 19:55

Ian.T's picture
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Just a word then a thought and another word..
Well done, though I am not in favour of bondage,
whatever switches you on lol
Take care out there in that Emerald plain, Yours Ian.T, again.

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

sueb

Tue, 2013-03-12 20:12

sueb's picture

I'm not either Ian just a poem lol thanks x

author comment

scribbler

Tue, 2013-03-12 22:07

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Sorry to hear you've been ill but glad you're better. I expect the clipped form of this might well reflect a woman's thoughts in that situation. Only thing I'd think about changing is "sated" , I think perhaps satiated is what you intended............stan

sueb

Wed, 2013-03-13 05:48

sueb's picture

Hi Stan thanks for reading and commenting and your good wishes appreciated x

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2013-03-13 02:19

weirdelf's picture
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At first I thought it was an ironical comment about the bondage of a woman in labour, except "Blindfold" and "nipples bare" belied that. Bondage I have no problem with however there are over-tones of rape fantasy, which I find distasteful in the extreme.

A troublesome poem. I really don't know what to make of it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

sueb

Wed, 2013-03-13 05:51

sueb's picture

Hi Jess I'm not into bondage or anything like it had a conversation about 50 shades and this poem was written after it all the best x

author comment
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