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This one lovely day

When a crisp wind blows through the blue
and flings my hair up to kiss my face
it brings the smell of salt, and a faint memory too
the ocean sprayed its tangy taste
but its smell was syrupy sweet
I had laid my head on my beautiful boy
smelling his sweaty scent
though it was brackish it was somehow comforting
just like the ocean's breeze
I ran my hand through his luscious hair
bringing wondrous and curious scents
There was the slight smell of the juiciest oranges
and a grimy wift of dirt
it also brought that pleasant scent
that one can never describe
it makes you feel just full of love
like you could spread your wings and fly
but I snuggle down into my lovable dog
and into dreams of his wonderful aroma
and everytime I smell the ocean sweet but salty scent
I think back to that lovely day
when the smells of my love brought me sleep

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This day was a while ago. I think I was about 10. I was on a campout with my family. We went to the beach and I fell asleep on my dog. Yes he really did smell like oranges and dirt and sweat, but I remember that day very vividly because it was the only day i had naturally fallen asleep.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

only if you could stanzifya
self
lovely boy
and happy dog
merci
music will be juicy

Your supposed to think its a boy boy in the beginning and be surprised its a dog

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

author comment

a boy dog
I too could be
but sadly in my next birth if any
VIVI
you have an incredible creation
I need a poetic condemnation
grant me
for my silliocity
kindly

that it was a boy at first, but some of the language gave me the clue! I was thinking about it being a dog and had some great memories of lying next to my dog after a nice walk by the river. Thank you! a [whiff] of dirt. Nice stuff! ~ Geez.
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Hello, Viviana,
You have awakened the senses, especially the sense of smell! I feel the ocean breeze, I can taste the saltiness, see the invigorating blueness, hear all the happy chatter, and certainly most of all, smell everything - the citrus, the sweatiness (is that a word?) the fresh sea air. One lovely day, indeed! Fun!
Thank you!
L

Lovely poem. I also thought it was a boy, at first...lol. Your writing appeals to all the senses with original imagery. I love dogs, so I can relate to your words. The smell of their fur is nice!
Your language use is exceptional, the title is fine as well and so is the spacing.
Enjoyed, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

I think we are somewhat kindred :~)
Good competition,

THE MARK
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If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to study it and form an opinion as well. Then put your opinion in the comment box. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about. Do it often or catch the next ride outta Dodge!

The great majority of imagery is visual so it's really nice to see smell used

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