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This one lovely day

A crisp wind blows through the blue
flinging my hair up to kiss my face
with it brings the smell of salt
and a hint of lemon too
the ocean sprays its tangy taste
but its smell is syrupy sweet
I lay my head on my beautiful boy
smelling his sweaty scent
though it is brackish its somewhat comforting
just like the ocean's breeze
I run my hand through his luscious hair
bringing wondrous and curious scents
There's the slight smell of the juiciest oranges
and a grimy wift of dirt
it also brings that pleasant scent
that one can never describe
but I snuggle down into my lovable dog
and into dreams of his wonderful aroma

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

only if you could stanzifya
self
lovely boy
and happy dog
merci
music will be juicy

Your supposed to think its a boy boy in the beginning and be surprised its a dog

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

author comment

a boy dog
I too could be
but sadly in my next birth if any
VIVI
you have an incredible creation
I need a poetic condemnation
grant me
for my silliocity
kindly

that it was a boy at first, but some of the language gave me the clue! I was thinking about it being a dog and had some great memories of lying next to my dog after a nice walk by the river. Thank you! a [whiff] of dirt. Nice stuff! ~ Geez.
.

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Hello, Viviana,
You have awakened the senses, especially the sense of smell! I feel the ocean breeze, I can taste the saltiness, see the invigorating blueness, hear all the happy chatter, and certainly most of all, smell everything - the citrus, the sweatiness (is that a word?) the fresh sea air. One lovely day, indeed! Fun!
Thank you!
L

Lovely poem. I also thought it was a boy, at first...lol. Your writing appeals to all the senses with original imagery. I love dogs, so I can relate to your words. The smell of their fur is nice!
Your language use is exceptional, the title is fine as well and so is the spacing.
Enjoyed, Gracy

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