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Oblivion in Recession

The legs started going,
kept awake with water,
breathing,
arrogantly telling myself
I’d stay straight.
Drank gin and wine,
went out,
tried to buy more,
unshaven,
filthy white shorts,
lost, rolling on lawn,
somehow got home.
Monday, waiting for offie,
looked like death,
fear in eyes
of passers-by,
waiting for drink,
drink relieved me.
drank all day,
next day,
double brandy
just about settled me,
drank some more,
thought constantly
I’d collapse;
then what?
Fit? Coronary?
Insanity? Worse?
Took a Heminevrin,
paced the house
all night,
weak legs,
lack of feeling
in extremities,
drank water
to keep the
life functions going.
Next day,
two Valiums
helped me sleep.
By eve,
I started to feel better.
I made my choice,
and oblivion has receded,
and shall disappear.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
'Oblivion in Recession' first existed as a series of rough notes scrawled on a piece of scrap paper in January 1993, relating to incidents that had only very recently taken place.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

So damn powerful and so damn honest, it's bloody hard for sure having problems with alcoholism, to actually have the courage to write something soon after is therapy in its self. I salute this poem so much. I think you have capture the imagery and feeling of what it is like also waiting for the off-licence to open, maybe some won't get offie because it's a British thing. I did feel emmencly the desperation of having a problem but by the end resolution in sight. I really respect this work. You have captured the mental and physical emotions so well.

Thank you...Teddy

Some how or other, I managed to capture how I was feeling in rough journal or diary notes, a Sunday and a Monday, and at a much later date, I was able to versify it. Of course, this was the early 1990s, long before the wide availability of alcohol, and you had to wait for an off-licence/offie to open. Yes, there was a resolution, once the valiums had kicked in, I was able to undergo the slow, terrible process of recovery. I've barely drunk since, there have been relapses, but they were very short-lived. I'm so pleased you respect this so much, that means a lot, thank you so much your reviews are fantastic, I love them. Carl.

author comment

Wow, sounds like you were a real mess. Kudos for you getting a handle on it.
I myself began writing to escape the stress from work, kept journals began writing in verse.
Aside from a few idiotic stunts when I was a kid I never really had a problem with addiction of alcohol or drugs although I certainly dipped in and still do at times like most I think.
There are alcoholics in my family and I know how ugly it can get.
Respect from me on you writing about the subject first hand.
Take care,
Mark

Please comment anywhere anytime.

Great to hear from you, yes things got bad, looking back I can see how avoidable and unnecessary it all was, but I'd say that of any kind of overindulgence in alcohol or drugs, self-destruction in general, in fact, life is simply far too precious for all that, I only wish I'd realised that at the time. I am pleased to hear you started keeping journals, many of my verses have emerged from these, I wish you all the very best with it. Carl.

author comment
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