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New Beginnings

As the sun comes up over the horizon
A new beginning is offered to all mankind
The same beginning that has been offered for eon's

How you chose to use the day is your decision
Being wise in the choices you make is always good
Taking time to think about your goals and vision

Remembering everyone falls, but is not done
And there is room for change, the path is not defined
Considering the things that define your action

But when the morning comes it is a new day
It's like the sun smiles with a beautiful gift
And a new chance has been given for your changes

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

I'm sure you mean well, but who are you to give trite advice?
The poem, like all inspiration al poems lacks poetic qualies.

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

You ask who I am to give advice. I am someone who spent 25 years on drugs. I came from a loving family and both Norther and Father never got to see me clean. As a matter of fact they died 1 year apart. I left home the year my mother died and traveled all across the county. Someone along the way believed that I could make a difference if I could get clean so they worked with me and told me relapse was part of the getting clean process. After many failed attempts they told me to start over tomorrow because that was a new opportunity so I did. I have been clean ever since. So there for I truly believe what my poem says, because I lived it. Maybe your life has had its problems too and that is why you have a problem with my poem, and there is one thing I want to let you know you have the right to feel that way, just as I have the right to believe that each day is a new beginning. As far as poetic qualities it is OK if you don't like my poem, but I am sure that all my poetry is not bad. Thank you for the critic, if only you would of told me how to make it better..

author comment

in line 3 i know you mean "aeons" not eons. good but try more poetic symbols like metaphors thy deepen the sensitivity of your witty epigram

My anniversary for being clean was 15th February, 2002. Relapse was also part of my process.
I relate and congratulate you, it is a painful and rewarding experience.

All my love, sister.

However my critique stands. The use of the second person 'you', is a major pitfall in poetry. I strongly suggest you write in the first or third person to avoid a 'preachy' tone which makes the poem more relateable to the reader,
sincerely,

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

Thank you so much. A lot of my poems are written and I take myself out of it, but sometimes I need reminding.

author comment

...

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

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