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The New Beginning

Hurtful words rip my heart,
with claws of sorrow
tearing both of us apart
casting love in shadow

Your name still haunts my soul
but its warmth is long -gone..
Beautiful memories unfold
turning into moments I mourn

Old dreams lying in tatters,
left me deprived of hope here
but I 'have promised myself
never again to shed a tear

For here stands a woman born free
who will not cower from Destiny
this is not the end of love
this is its new beginning

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


I thought this is autobiographical (hope not), but the last stanza

"For here stands a woman born free
who will not cower from Destiny
this is not the end of love
this is its new beginning"

the word "woman" suggests that it is not your story.
I like it anyway. It has a good sentiments.
I like the uplifting end too.
PS. I think Wesley won't be too happy with the punctuation though :)
Take care.


Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me

i get from seeing someone else's experience. i'm struggling with the attempt to record my voice for "Palestine". not good. it will take longer than i expected or not at all...


author comment

I thought that this was a sad piece I do think it could be improved I will return tomorrow night and see what I can offer, Its late and I haven't slept properly for the last few nights I am going to read then bed...

You have been working hard on your poems and its starting to show.

Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Thank you for the visit. Congratulations for being spotted by Wesley to be on your way as a mentor! You deserve it, Jayne. I never have any doubts when it comes to you. Shoo, go and have your rest. Wake up fresh tomorrow and do whatever you need to do. Be proud , Jayne. you know I am proud of you. 'Till next time, angel. nighty nite!


author comment

I read the comment of Jayne on another page suggesting that you submerge yourself in the situation of the subject in the theme and convert the feel you get being there into a poem. It seemed to me that you have done that pretty well here and can notice continual improvement in your works which is really good to notice my me the title fits the theme nicely.


raj (sublime_ocean)

but I couldn't have done it without yours and the rest of our friends' guidance. I'm glad you think that the title fits the theme. At first I want to call it " A Woman, Denied" to stress out the hurt but I changed my mind when I read the ending that I have chosen.


author comment
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