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Neopoet Renga 3

It is time to find
our tomorrow's memories
In today's kisses

no matter the day begone
a first kiss eviternal

as the sun does rise
starlings call carries in wind
land on peach dew lips

early footprints clearly seen
Inevitable arc trod

clean sand to walk on
our signature right here
no one before us

buoyant steps to journey so
greetings overcome sorrow

treasured dew drops form
tipping new sunlight colour
love streaming outward

a vision of loveliness
this kaleidoscopic view

diamonds are skies
harvest moon kisses blossom
hang brightly the night

spark upon a dignified
sweet,angelic realm-a smile

as velvet curtains
dreams are draped over your form.
till morning awakes

alluring torrid whispers
travels on into the dawn

pumpkins carved out true
a face makes you broadly smile
teeth glow at night seen

jack frost touches patterns fine
wintertime is now soon due

no time left to go
fireworks light the skies with Ow!
faces in firelight glow

jack o'lantern bonfires flare
Samhain shadows paid in full

in the costumed shades
do sundered spirits sparkle
hairs stand up on neck

as near the harvest beckons
shores against the Winter's cold

Octoberfest nears
November-feast approaches
winter wonderland

marshmallows roasting fireplace
cold winter nights keeping warm

Geezer
Mark
Rula
Ian
Ron
Barbara

Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

Yes it is two syllables. Some here are Aussies and they pronounce it di.a.monds with three syllables. English pronunciation has two syllables dia.monds. So I say what the writer chooses here is fine with me being we are a diverse group here.

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

author comment

Renga style lol

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

author comment

Most definitely rule!

Thanks Barbara for keeping us all on track.

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

as an aussie I liked your observation about diamond, I think its the Welsh influence that makes us draw out the vowels. I thought this had some good images and everything works re metre etc. my only crit is some of the stanzas didn't flow that well eg
as velvet curtains
dreams are draped over your form. the 's' on the end of curtains and dreams causes a slight hiatus in the diction, 'over your form' introduces 3 long Os that slows the rhythm down
till morning awakes the a of awakes also interrupts the flow despite its neccesity to maintain the metre this is very technical and you might think i'm nitpicking but since you obviously have talent i thought it helpful to get this particular
best wishes
ross

Your critique honest with clarity is much welcomed. As you may noticed Renga poems are works of variety of participating poets here. Therefore, the one who wrote a particular verse would appreciate your and any others critique and may respond accordingly.

Thanks, your joining the workshop and adding your verses to create other Renga poems like this one is welcomed.

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

author comment

but like these "Slideshow" deals on the net now
I found this one is about seasons and jubilance
Love romance passion experience...
I lucked out to walk on beaches riverbanks
long ago when I could travel
Never thinking then to write poetry and I couldnt
wasnt focused enough...and Neopoet was far
away..but glad I remember all this now
and reading this poem I could feel inside these
times...the fireworks..the winters feast
it all blended rather well and its more a descriptive
existence of state then a tale

but I didnt have to back up and refind the thread
of its flow so it worked pretty well I thought!!
brought back some memories too!

Thank You

I appreciate your critique on how well it came together by your use of the word tapestry and is glad it brought back favorable memories.

The Renga table welcomes your verses, mind me I am strict on structure and syllable count. All else is flexible according to each individual participant. Haiku or Senyru 5/7/5 or two line 7/7 whatever suits your taste.

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

author comment

snow circles windows
a painting of dawn relief
night comes in quarters

munimented in our hearts
forever comes the drifts

I wasnt sure where to post if I have done it wrong just point me in the right direction I am still getting used to the new neopoet ...

JC ~

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

click this link and post only in the workshop just as you did here.
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/eternal-renga-continues
The Eternal Renga continues" I have your name added to the workshop so it should be easy to find from your profile page

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

author comment
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