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Neopoet Renga 3
It is time to find
our tomorrow's memories
In today's kisses
no matter the day begone
a first kiss eviternal
as the sun does rise
starlings call carries in wind
land on peach dew lips
early footprints clearly seen
Inevitable arc trod
clean sand to walk on
our signature right here
no one before us
buoyant steps to journey so
greetings overcome sorrow
treasured dew drops form
tipping new sunlight colour
love streaming outward
a vision of loveliness
this kaleidoscopic view
diamonds are skies
harvest moon kisses blossom
hang brightly the night
spark upon a dignified
sweet,angelic realm-a smile
as velvet curtains
dreams are draped over your form.
till morning awakes
alluring torrid whispers
travels on into the dawn
pumpkins carved out true
a face makes you broadly smile
teeth glow at night seen
jack frost touches patterns fine
wintertime is now soon due
no time left to go
fireworks light the skies with Ow!
faces in firelight glow
jack o'lantern bonfires flare
Samhain shadows paid in full
in the costumed shades
do sundered spirits sparkle
hairs stand up on neck
as near the harvest beckons
shores against the Winter's cold
Octoberfest nears
November-feast approaches
winter wonderland
marshmallows roasting fireplace
cold winter nights keeping warm
Geezer
Mark
Rula
Ian
Ron
Barbara
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United States
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Billy Collins, Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, Whitman, Jess Tapper
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Comments
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2012-10-27 11:18
Glad you are having fun
Yes it is two syllables. Some here are Aussies and they pronounce it di.a.monds with three syllables. English pronunciation has two syllables dia.monds. So I say what the writer chooses here is fine with me being we are a diverse group here.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentBarbara Writes
Sun, 2012-10-28 23:09
Hehehe
Renga style lol
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentBlueDemon77
Sat, 2012-10-27 08:35
We.........
Most definitely rule!
Thanks Barbara for keeping us all on track.
Ron
Blue Demon77
"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."
The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath
Ross Hamilton Hill
Sat, 2012-10-27 17:36
hi barbara
as an aussie I liked your observation about diamond, I think its the Welsh influence that makes us draw out the vowels. I thought this had some good images and everything works re metre etc. my only crit is some of the stanzas didn't flow that well eg
as velvet curtains
dreams are draped over your form. the 's' on the end of curtains and dreams causes a slight hiatus in the diction, 'over your form' introduces 3 long Os that slows the rhythm down
till morning awakes the a of awakes also interrupts the flow despite its neccesity to maintain the metre this is very technical and you might think i'm nitpicking but since you obviously have talent i thought it helpful to get this particular
best wishes
ross
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2012-10-28 23:59
Thanks Ross
Your critique honest with clarity is much welcomed. As you may noticed Renga poems are works of variety of participating poets here. Therefore, the one who wrote a particular verse would appreciate your and any others critique and may respond accordingly.
Thanks, your joining the workshop and adding your verses to create other Renga poems like this one is welcomed.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentEsker
Sun, 2012-10-28 23:24
I thought this was a tapestry
but like these "Slideshow" deals on the net now
I found this one is about seasons and jubilance
Love romance passion experience...
I lucked out to walk on beaches riverbanks
long ago when I could travel
Never thinking then to write poetry and I couldnt
wasnt focused enough...and Neopoet was far
away..but glad I remember all this now
and reading this poem I could feel inside these
times...the fireworks..the winters feast
it all blended rather well and its more a descriptive
existence of state then a tale
but I didnt have to back up and refind the thread
of its flow so it worked pretty well I thought!!
brought back some memories too!
Thank You
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2012-10-29 00:19
Thanks Esker
I appreciate your critique on how well it came together by your use of the word tapestry and is glad it brought back favorable memories.
The Renga table welcomes your verses, mind me I am strict on structure and syllable count. All else is flexible according to each individual participant. Haiku or Senyru 5/7/5 or two line 7/7 whatever suits your taste.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentSeren
Sun, 2012-11-11 00:00
Renga
snow circles windows
a painting of dawn relief
night comes in quarters
munimented in our hearts
forever comes the drifts
I wasnt sure where to post if I have done it wrong just point me in the right direction I am still getting used to the new neopoet ...
JC ~
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2012-11-11 00:19
Wrong page lol.
click this link and post only in the workshop just as you did here.
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/eternal-renga-continues
The Eternal Renga continues" I have your name added to the workshop so it should be easy to find from your profile page
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
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