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Negation

Submitted by loved on Thu, 2012-03-22 00:52

Pessimism ,
distraught minds
two in one
should upon each others shoulders display,
some sense of consolation
and
admiration
but
not only sadism relay
Positivity ought to be the aim
Of lovers two,
how I wish
that new ones knew

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Thu, 2012-04-05 03:57

Ian.T's picture
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A cute little piece, maybe on the last line the first word should be "That" or the line has to be rearranged, take care young Bard.
Us little Bards who have a king of our own must look to our own in walking this unforgiving world lol, Yours Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

loved

Thu, 2012-04-05 15:20

loved's picture

has to be forgiven
while composing poetry
or
else my grammar is forbidden,
to me even its ,
as you say,
maybe a kink..
a poetic one at that

Altered as advised... Ian..

loved

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