Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Is this My Life?

I’m a downtrodden wife
his trouble and strife
Is this my life?

He doesn’t help with chores
in between snores
says “ask her indoors”

The kids avoid him
I fulfil their whims
no point in asking him

I don’t know why he married me?
I could never be
what he wanted me to be

I’m never good enough
he says I look rough
so no more sex stuff

I wanted to work
but the chauvinistic jerk
wouldn’t allow this perk

I can’t wait ‘till the kids are grown
from this dysfunctional nest flown
I’m building a nest egg of my own

Then mummy can fly
happily wave him goodbye
no tears shall I cry

but until then
the youngest is ten
I’ll keep secret my yen

Eight more years
feeding him beers
listening to his jeers

He’s such a hypocrite
sanctimonious git
for any occasion a face that will fit

People think he’s a good man
doing what he can
for poor miserable Ann

Ann’s biding her time
secret vodka and lime
behind his back a naughty mime

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments quite engagingly entertaining. It absolutely captured that secret inner voice we all posess that does the planning, the manipulating, and the justifying to ourselves as if it helps render us incognitively aware of whome we're really deceiving.
The only snarl I came upon was when I read it aloud. The two times you used the same word twice in a stanza, for a rhyme bothered me immensly.
Guess I'll have to just get over, myself; eh?
Anyway, it was a fine effort,

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

Hi Doc didn't realised I'd used the same word twice in a stanza oops I still don't know where I'll have to read it again myself glad you enjoyed it though thanks x

author comment

Is this my life
I'm a downtrodden wife

I like these two lines together somehow,
as they have a fine lilt.

Nice and simply told story.
I am not sure that I wouldn't prefer it closer together even with less lines,
the lay out doesn't say anything to me, so that seems a tiny bit pretentious,
and in a poem like this isn't needed, unless I suppose you wanted it to
seem an endless waiting for the end. Yes its just the double spacing.

If this is autobiographical it makes me sad, for all concerned.
love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Hi Ann not autobiographical glad you enjoyed all the best Sue x

author comment

Id watch your space
As my divorce lawyer told me. You sohould have got rid of him 10 years ago.
Then you would have been free and rich
He was right!

so your now free hope your rich x

author comment

Agree with Ann's comment about the line spacing...other than that 'Ann's biding her time /secret vodka and lime/ behind his back a naughty rhyme'...great lines. Would like to see you have a play with images (figurative language) in your writing, lifting this from a sort of rant to something more memorable.

Ells x

Hi changed the line spacing to the way I had originally intended it to be. Is it any better? glad you like those lines have a great day cheers Sueb x

author comment

Much better flow :))

thanks a mil x

author comment

You have done well in describing the plight of way too many women whose husbands treat them like a piece of funiture then are astonished when they get served with divorce papers. The only improvement I can come up with would be the possible use of more imagery to draw the reader in a bit more......................stan

thanks Stan for reading and commenting appreciated x

author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.