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My Leaves
The seasons change but I remain the same
Standing firm in my failures
Rooted deep in remorse
If only I could be like the trees
And shed my dead, burdened leaves
I cannot shake them but at least
They start to change tones
Slowly, subtly, their colors emerge
Beauty from decay
Waiting to drop and sway
Helplessly to the earth
The seasons change but I remain the same
Swept silently like the sea
Receding ceaselessly on the shore
Fading in and out of existence
Always half there
Always half gone
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
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Comments
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2019-10-14 23:47
Hi
I can relate to this heartfelt piece..ive been there and know the never ending wave of emotions coming and going.....great write ..love the flow of emotion gelt in this piece
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
ThisIsMe
Wed, 2020-01-01 11:56
Re
Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed it!
author commentSparrow 42
Tue, 2019-10-15 03:34
TIM
I think you have written a very good piece here,
I will leave it to the form poets
and punctual ones to correct any small things..
But to me it is all great,
Yours Ian
Words can build a nation
ThisIsMe
Wed, 2020-01-01 11:53
Re
T
author commentThisIsMe
Wed, 2020-01-01 11:53
Re
Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad you liked it!
author commentRottiestyl
Tue, 2019-10-22 19:45
Very nice. . .
The first line made me think immediately of Led Zepplin’s “ The Song Remains The Same”. You held that to the end. Besides it being well written the one thing I can suggest is to no spaces between yours lines except a space between the first stanza and second. Easier to read but that’s just me. I need read things several times to get the full meaning if the words, lines etc. are spread apart. Either to scattered or not enough.
Up to you, just a personal like of mine. Nice piece though!
Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.
By: K. Mulroney
" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."
ThisIsMe
Wed, 2020-01-01 11:56
Re
Yes, I can definitely see how it may seem choppy with the division of the lines. It's kind of my style, I almost always write one thought at a time, but for this poem, I think you are right. It might be more cohesive to combine it. I will think about that. Thanks!
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