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On My Knees

Submitted by T. Harmonee on Tue, 2018-05-22 09:25

God, you listen to my worries
And cries the capture sleep
The aches that come profoundly
And leave me somewhat meek

The time I spend
Down on my knees
Is time that stands so still
These words that stagger out my mouth
Are daggers set to kill

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Comments

raj

Tue, 2018-05-22 14:30

Hi T Harmonee

Looks to me that this poem was inspired by the minor girl Noura Hussein in Sudan who was married forcibly at age 15 I think and killed her husband because she as forced by circumstances when he tried to rape her and has been sentenced with death about which there is a world wide outrage

I don't know if i perceived this correctly.
......................................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

T. Harmonee

Wed, 2018-05-23 08:05