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Missing You... Dealing with grief or lost love [Monthly Contest]

Sometimes, I pick up the phone
and then it hits me
you won't be there on the other end
I'm tempted to dial anyway

Maybe I'll hear your message and your voice
But Paulette told me she turned it off
she can't bear to hear it ring
So, I'll have to keep your voice in my memory

Many people call themselves "Brother"
but they do it because it's cool
"Brother from another mother"
We never had to say that

"My Brother" meant something to us
We shared our lives for fifty years
married sisters, and divorced on the same day
We danced and clapped each other on the back

But we were hurting, and leaned on each other
We both found new love
We shared those experiences too
We moved away, but never lost each other

Because we had the story in our hearts
I knew that someday, one of us would be alone
You weren't going to last forever
and I was not so great either

Now I can cry, if this was paper
it would be too soggy to read
Through the ether, maybe you will get to see it
Love you always, Brother...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Not nearly enough joy.

Liked this piece, the subject took an unexpected turn (to me).

My only suggestion:
Change last stanza a bit

Now I can cry, if this was paper
It would be too soggy to read
through the ether, maybe you will get to see it
Love you always Brother...

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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I do think it reads better, this way. ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

I really didn't care so much about if it was poetry or not, I just had to let it out. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

is always listened to and I never dismiss it out of hand. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

This reminded me of my closest friend who went to the other side a couple years ago. I have no recommendations for change and if I had a vote you would win

It makes me feel better to know that someone else knows how I feel, but sad to know that someone else knows how I feel. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

Staggeringly good and clever piece,
Remote rhyme, Well metered. (and more importantly, meaty)

Cheers, Obi.

Glad you like it. When I write about personal things, I try to keep it like something that the reader can imagining happening or has happened to them. It doesn't need to be dressed up or sanitized, just real. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment
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