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Missing

An airplane lost from sight,
where did it go,no one knows...
Through the passing time
speculations grow

Its passengers getting restless
as two hijackers give orders.
Feeling terrified and helpless,
they can only think the worst

A child among them is trembling
her father's head bleeding.
A corpse lying by her side,
telling her that safety is a lie

But even the villains are clueless
to where the plane is heading
and the pilot is troubled
when he lost his bearings

Venturing into the unknown,
facing communication breakdown.
The people on board travelling alone
to wherever the plane is bound

For it is no longer flying
with its fuel tank already empty
but its not falling, crashing.
How it still rides the wind,
is an unsolved mystery

Home on earth,
days stretched to an eternity.
as their waiting families
drowned in misery,
their hearts laden with worry

See their tear-stricken faces
as they pray in silence.
Locked in tight embraces,
their sadness is apparent

Everyone is waiting for any news
as a team of investigators,
strived in their search for clues,
only to find no real answers
and more questions...

An airplane lost from sight
where did it go,no one knows....only God knows

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

writing on something so topical. If the plane or its wreckage were found tomorrow the poem would to all intents and purposes cease to exist.

To allow the poem some sustainability in it's own right it would need either story-telling, speculation or allusion.

For example you could invent some characters on the plane and tell the story of the hijack or crash through their eyes.

You could introduce a mystical twilight zone where they find themselves trapped forever going no-where.

You could allude to similar disappearances like the Flying Dutchman and build on that, people from different times, even different worlds, meeting each other.

If you are doing what I think you were really attempting to do, which is engage your reader in the plight of the passengers, crew and all those associated with them then I'm afraid the poem falls into the murky area of sentimentality. You need to make it more real. It feels like you are appropriating and exploiting the situation rather than bringing something to it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

First however, I need to take a nap after staying up all night, looking after mum.We'll see if I can come up with something once I am back. For now, I'm drawing a blank in my head. Thanks for the visit and the comment..

Alid

author comment

done some edit. Tell me what you think.

Alid

author comment

I think these significant and well thought out revisions bring a strong sense of narrative and a more human immediacy to the plight of all involved.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

you gave me some good suggestions which help me to re-evaluate and do the edits. Anyway I do hope that the lost Malaysian airplane can be found soon. Pity their families and relatives waiting for some news for a spark of hope.

Alid

author comment

I agreed with Jess even now where you have edited and made the whole thing into a fiction story, it would be better had this been posted at a much later date.
Still it is there and a story of fiction it will have to be, no one knows as you say, so we wait as do those who have people they know on that aircraft in reality.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

that is why i erased the flight number.i changed my mind because it will make it easier to turn it into a fiction and make it still valid even if the airplane is found...

Alid

author comment

The loss of any aircraft is terrible and my thoughts go out to those that have to just wait.
I worked on aircraft most of my life and know how complex these things are.
People just have to sit around and wait until the aircraft is either found or its fate decided and an area as big as Australia to search is not good for anyone, to apportion blame to anyone or anything at the moment is not good.
I remember a pilot from New Zealand who was blamed for many years that it was his fault that an aircraft was lost in Antarctica only to have it found out years later that the computer programme was at fault.
I have lost too many friends with aircraft not to apportion blame anywhere, but this day and age it is hard for the public to accept that this can happen, but it is a smack in the face of those that grow to fond of saying it cannot happen.
Your write was edited well and remains a good write, Take care and know that your people are in our thoughts here, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Its not easy to accept that this can happen. Even with many countries helping out in the search, it has yet to be found. Really shows how even with modern technology, we are still helpless without God's aid. It is something that those who worship technology must ponder on. I remember reading an article about cloning, the writer states that "now we have finally mastered the language of God with the aid of modern technology. To me that is sheer arrogance of Man who did not know how much he did not know. That's my opinion, yours may differ.

Alid

author comment

it is always to keep an uptodate writing.
To know about what's going on and to tell others about it I believe gives poetry a dress few could keep.
I'd end the last line as
"where did it go,no one knows" ...........[Only God knows]
I know many would not agree with me, but you and I know this is the purist truth ever to be.
It is your poem at the end and you know what messages you need to convey.
Thanks for sharing.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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