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MIDNIGHT RAMBLINGS
One foot
In front of the other
The sun climbs higher and higher
And we pretend to have forgotten
The songs that got us here
I was eighteen in 70
And I haven't changed much since then
Frozen in time my heart is
The golden age of music
I would ask for nothing more
So, one foot in front of the other
Soon the full moon will come
Another thirty days gone by
I used to think it doesn't show
That it all meant nothing,
The passing of time
But there's some silence in my head now
A bit of quiet in my heart
And these days I notice
When the leaves turn yellow
Happiness is a hard thing to chase
Because one might not even know
When one has it
But peace, my friend
Peace is the real price
A. SWANTALALA
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-03-29 20:50
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
/5
"MIDNIGHT RAMBLINGS" is a poem that captures the essence of growing older and the realization that comes with it. The speaker reflects on a time when they were young and carefree, and music was everything. However, as time has passed, they have come to appreciate the small moments of peace and quiet that life offers.
The poem's structure is simple but effective, with short lines that mimic the steady rhythm of footsteps. The repetition of "one foot in front of the other" reinforces the idea of moving forward, even in the face of uncertainty.
The metaphor of the sun climbing higher and higher is a powerful one, representing the passing of time and the inevitability of aging. The speaker acknowledges that they have not changed much since their youth, but there is a sense of acceptance and contentment in this realization.
The poem's imagery is also noteworthy, with the mention of the full moon and the changing leaves adding depth and meaning to the speaker's reflections. The line "Happiness is a hard thing to chase" is poignant and relatable, as many of us struggle to find true happiness in our lives.
One suggested line edit would be to replace "used to think it doesn't show" with "used to think it didn't matter," as it would better convey the speaker's sense of apathy towards the passing of time.
Overall, "MIDNIGHT RAMBLINGS" is a thoughtful and introspective poem that encourages readers to appreciate the present moment and find peace in the midst of life's uncertainties.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rosewood Apothecary
Fri, 2023-03-31 19:13
Happiness
Happiness is a hard thing to chase
Because one might not even know
When one has it
But peace, my friend
Peace is the real price
That’s is beautiful
Tim
Trail
Sat, 2023-04-01 10:54
I'm glad you enjoyed it Tim
Every time you've enjoyed one of my poems you've always had something positive to say. Thanks for your kindness.
author commentLeslie
Fri, 2023-03-31 22:04
My friend Ace,
I agree with Tim this piece is absolutely beautiful. I feel that peace is alot like a
butterfly. the harder you chase after it the more elusive it becomes. But if you stop
and be still for awhile, let your mind rest from daily caress. One may just come
and land on you! Great poem ace! John
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Trail
Sat, 2023-04-01 10:57
Hey, John
I'm sure you have noticed, but in the last few ones I tried to take a slightly different approach to my poetry. To write in a more positive light and I'm glad they still retain that same appeal. I'm glad you have enjoyed this one and thank you for your kindness
author commentLeslie
Sun, 2023-04-02 01:55
Ace,
I love reading everything that you write. Your language is so soft, so peaceful. Thank you
for befriending me.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!