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Keeping an Attachment

Submitted by Rainy Day on Wed, 2012-03-21 01:40

Keeping an attachment,
To a fragile thing,
Watching it roam the sunset,
And dance out over the sea,
By and by, the beat of a soul,
That feels more than words can say,
Pondering explanations,
From which one can never walk away,
It is a hope,
To keep faith in the soul,
Empathy amongst the shallowness,
Light surrounding the whole,
God gave us the ability to see,
Beautiful moments that pass our way,
An attachment between one another,
To a most fragile and confusing thing,
Which one person sees as weakness,
Another, as a blessing from above,
A fragile thing: the beating heart,
The attachment: love.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Candlewitch

Wed, 2012-03-21 12:40

Candlewitch's picture
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Welcome to neopoet! It is very goo to see you posting here! I hope your experiences will be nothing but joyful! Your title defines the piece. Your language usage is good and lines flow well from one to the next. I also enjoyed your subject matter. I find your logic consistent. A very harmonious piece of writing. I liked these lines best:

Beautiful moments that pass our way,
An attachment between one another,
To a most fragile and confusing thing,
Which one person sees as weakness,
Another, as a blessing from above,
A fragile thing: the beating heart,
The attachment: love.

always, Cat

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shane

Wed, 2012-03-21 19:44

Thank you so much Cat. I am glad you enjoyed it. I was worried my wording was confusing. This is one of the poems I'm curently working on going into one of my chapbooks. Thank you again for your comment. I really appreciate it.

Rainy Day

Wed, 2012-03-21 19:50

Rainy Day's picture

Looks like I posted under the old Neopoet username I use to use. Sorry for the confusion. Thank you again. I wasn't sure my old username would work till recently so I decided to change usernames. Anyway I've been trying to retrieve my work through the archives and forgot to log out. Thank you for your comment again. I really appreciate it.

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