Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Just

Submitted by docmaverick on Sun, 2013-03-03 10:06

Just to hold a pebble
quietly, in my hand

may not seem important
‘less one was stuck in sand.

How important a conversation
if one was all alone,

without replies or feedback
one would stir to quest, his own.

Just to see a child's eyes, razzle
Because of the butterfly on her hand !

it’s remarkable for what one yearns
no one could ever understand.

Just to hold a pebble
because you handed it to me,

we’ll forever share that moment, rare
individually for eternity.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This is a re-write, or rather.....the beginning of one; of sorts. At any rate, suffice it to say, ths was, much...............much, worse ! This selfless act of "attrition", on my part; MAY.....(quite possibly, AND; probably).....will endeavor, (to convince the heavens, on my behalf); to keep me outta, "Hell", where I completely understand that: there IS, no toilette paper. doc.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

weirdelf

Sun, 2013-03-03 13:16

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

to make it seem more profound.

It doesn't work

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.