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JON DOE

Submitted by Jokerface82 on Sat, 2024-02-24 08:55

The fog painted the air

a Shaded unlit tone.The
swaying grey

darken trees had reaching
claws.

The moon light speared a
pathway.

Clapping and impulsive
Scuffed shoes picking up
the rhythm

following your trail scent like
an wild thirsty beast
you a victim

Your Eyes growing with fear
your black

dots filling with water swimming.
Your Ruby

heart pounding drumming
in your ears and chest.

Black evil shapes
appearing, disappearing.

Your swinging neck meets death.
You craned to see
a midnight shape

before your spirit got taken away.

Screams of choked geyser blood and
black punctured lungs.

A fan blade of
strikes reflecting like a mirror.

Her reflection from the white
illuminous shaped coin onto

the silver mirror like blade.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 02/25/24 to 03/02/24
Content level: 
Explicit Content
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Sat, 2024-02-24 15:00

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "JON DOE" evokes a sense of mystery and suspense through its vivid imagery and dark tone. The use of descriptive language like "swaying grey darken trees" and "clapping and impulsive scuffed shoes" creates an eerie atmosphere that draws the reader in. The repetition of certain sounds like "claws" and "clapping" adds to the sense of foreboding in the poem.

One aspect to consider is the punctuation and line breaks in the poem. Some lines end abruptly, which can create a disjointed feeling for the reader. Consider revisiting the structure of the poem to ensure a smooth flow from one line to the next.

Additionally, the poem introduces intriguing elements like the "Ruby heart pounding drumming" and "Black evil shapes," but these could be further developed to enhance the overall narrative and deepen the emotional impact of the poem. Exploring these themes in more detail could add layers of complexity to the piece.

Overall, "JON DOE" shows

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