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I'll always remember

Silence is like a scream, it echos off the walls

Waiting for an answer that will never come

like a head filled with bad memories

or a body scarred and bruised

it stings worse than bees

and burns worse than fire

it stains my head

and paints a perminate picture in my brain

I cant forget the hate you've given

you say you're sorry but your not

you can try again

but I'll never be rid

Of your hate not love

i'll always remember your rough touch

i'll always remember your tone of voice

i'll always remember your choice of words

cause just like paint, you've stained my head

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I've just added some grammar and changed a couple of words, I'm on my phone so it's harder to show what I changed but you will see it

Silence is like a scream, it echos off the walls

Waiting for an answer that will never come

like a head filled with bad memories

or a body scarred and bruised

it stings worse than bees

and burns worse than fire

it stains my head

and paints a perminate picture in my brain

I cant forget the hate you've given

you say you're sorry but your not

you can try again

but I'll never be rid

Of your hate not love

i'll always remember your rough touch

i'll always remember your tone of voice

i'll always remember your choice of words

cause just like paint, you've stained my head

An excellent example of hate and why we deserve better.

Thank you...Teddy

thanks, i always will need grammar help. :) ;P

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

author comment

Dear Vivi, sad poem. I hope you didn't go thru' all that, but it sounds to me as if it's personal.
I like the title, the theme and spacing. Teddy has made some suggestions already and I agree with most of them.
I'll have to return for another read, as it's a lot to take in. All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

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