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I'll always remember
Silence is like a scream, it echos off the walls
Waiting for an answer that will never come
like a head filled with bad memories
or a body scarred and bruised
it stings worse than bees
and burns worse than fire
it stains my head
and paints a perminate picture in my brain
I cant forget the hate you've given
you say you're sorry but your not
you can try again
but I'll never be rid
Of your hate not love
i'll always remember your rough touch
i'll always remember your tone of voice
i'll always remember your choice of words
cause just like paint, you've stained my head
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Viviana Smith
Mon, 2020-10-19 17:34
thanks
thanks, i always will need grammar help. :) ;P
Kisses,
Vivi
Gracy
Mon, 2020-10-19 15:16
Dear Vivi, sad poem. I hope
Dear Vivi, sad poem. I hope you didn't go thru' all that, but it sounds to me as if it's personal.
I like the title, the theme and spacing. Teddy has made some suggestions already and I agree with most of them.
I'll have to return for another read, as it's a lot to take in. All the best, Gracy
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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury