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I Want To Be The Girl That Flies

I want to be the girl that flies
With crystal wings
Across blue skies
Untouchable
From down below
Always knowing
Where to go
I want to be the girl that lands
And this girl is greeted
With outstretched hands
I want my friends to keep me safe
From that scary terrible place
I want to be the girl that dances
She’s not afraid of taking chances
She’s been burned
But she’s not shy
I want to be the girl that flies

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
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How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
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Comments

and nicely written. It seems to be the answer to Winter of My Heart" that I criticized.

The line-
From that scary lonely terrible place
is a bit overwritten, too many adjectives. Choose one to delete.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Just as Jess says to much in that one line otherwise a good piece of writing, the indication is that you are on your own so the "lonely" could go from that line:- From that scary terrible place.
Also the title repeated in the first line, maybe the title could be changed ???.
I loved the read and could see you there soaring above all things then wanting to come down hoping that your friends would be there to help you.. "Were They ????"
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you both for the comments. It means alot and yeah I always felt that way about that line too (I'm going to fix it). It means alot that you took the time to read my poem.

author comment

For which I have no critique except admiration

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