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HANGOVER

Submitted by Psyve on Sun, 2011-01-30 15:56

HANGOVER

It ain't fair that you still turn me on-
It aint fair, though you don’t try…
Damn, damn, damn!.... I've been turned on again:
I am what I am, and I ain't what I ain't…

And, though I've put you down in music and I've put you down in paint,
You know I've never really put you down at all,
So, though the words and music may seem to be a little quaint,
It's rock 'n' roll...
It's rock 'n' roll…
.
.
The recording of this quirky little piece is a little rough around the edges.... its a first rough take....but hopefully you may just enjoy the rhythm....and the spirit of this one.
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=6973998

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Psyve

Sun, 2011-01-30 23:02

Psyve's picture

Thank you,I am pleased that you seem to have enjoyed this one despite the roughness of this first take recording.

Of course, the "hangover" referred to here is not the type fuelled by a drinking binge, but more an emotional one.

Thank you for listening and for your kind comment.

Psyve

author comment

weirdelf

Mon, 2011-01-31 03:12

weirdelf's picture
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Convert/edit/re-write it into poetry, which it ain't, or improve it as lyrics, which it is already very good.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Psyve

Mon, 2011-01-31 11:59

Psyve's picture

Thanks for reading and writing in and for sharing your honest opinion.

I would agree, this one will probably not classify as "Poetry", but will need to stay within the realm of "Lyrics".

Not sure that is necessarily a bad thing tho, lol ! :-)

A part of the overall body of work that comprises my songs and lyrics will probably never qualify as "poetry", I guess.... but I have enjoyed the experience of writing and composing every one of those too and thought that I might, once in a while, stray a bit out of the box and share one of these on this site with others here.

So the short answer to your question is : I'm open to all feedback to improve the lyrical content (ansd musical content if someone is so inclined!) As you said elsewhere, that is why we are here... to improve our craft.

This particular lyric holds meaning for me at a personal level, but that is contextual to my own personal life experience, and i can certainly see why it may not mean much to someone else.

Also, am not sure if you can tell from listening to this rough first-take recording, but I enjoyed experimenting with the rhythms etc..

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to share a slightly different side of the art form here...

Psyve

author comment
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