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GREAT POETRY WORKSHOP: Storm by Tomas Transtromer (translated by Robin Fulton)

Here the walker suddenly meets the giant
oak tree, like a petrified elk whose crown is
furlongs wide before the September ocean's
murky green fortress.

Northern storm. The season when rowanberry
clusters swell. Awake in the darkness, listen:
constellations stamping in their stalls, high
over tree tops

Last few words: 
Obviously this is a translation, maybe not the greatest poem by Tomas Transtromer. But what a VOICE. you know (I know) that this man is fabulous, I am in awe of him.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I have had a play with the translation and found a lovely poem in there it seemed at first not to make sense then with a few line changes and the inclusion of one "A" I love its picture and the depth of the works.
Translations can cause many problems so here is what I sorted it to be:-

Here the walker,
Suddenly meets the giant oak tree,
Like a petrified elk
Whose crown is furlongs wide
Before the September ocean's,
A murky green fortress. ( Here I have included an "A" to start the line)

Northern storm.
The season,
When Rowan berry clusters swell.
Awake in the darkness,
Listen:
Constellations stamping in their stalls,
High over tree tops......

The Oak if you happen upon it standing there, it becomes that Elk petrified and with the spread of it's branches, that if you are close, seem to cover furlongs of space.
A beautiful description of our national tree.
Then to September before the leaves turn to many other colours, it is as an Ocean of murky green.
Then the picture of Autumn when the Rowan berries swell and the air becomes clear at night when the Constellations sweep across the sky above the tree tops..
Beautifully written and deserves a place here in this workshop, and beyond.. I prefer this to your Sylvia Plaith poem
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

yes, I love his work and translations do make it tougher to hear the poet sing. It's interesting though how the darkness of Sylvia Plath is viewed as negative (not aimed at anyone, just an observation), when she is just writing about another human emotion. maybe I don't read things like that - I am looking for the beauty of the whole in this workshop, how poems are put together to make them 'great' or not. This poem (by Transtromer) is extra-ordinary because he is - to me - a master. So is Plath, just different, light and dark, both great poets writing from their wits and hearts, I think...beautiful placing of words.

Jenifer

author comment

I only usually read poetry on this site, it is very rare for me to read of other poets..
This workshop has brought many beautiful poems to me, and to me Dark or light, day night, all are beautiful..
I shall carry on with my reply in PM as it is too long for here lol,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

great poem I think. I like Ian version better because it easier to read and experience the nature of the oak tree. It's like being there. the words and metaphor are beautiful.

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

I guess the problem is with translations - but he is a great poet. I just wish we could all read the poetry in a dozen languages...

Jenifer

author comment

I guess my problem with this must be in the translation in which thoughts end and begin within the middle of some verses instead of at the end and beginning. But this Does have good imagery and is not overy lengthy which should both allow it to span time. ............................stan

I had same reaction when I read it. but after breaking into stanzas that make it flow for me made poem even more joy to read. I really like the theme and subject written.

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

A fine poem indeed,
very nordic too.

A sudden glimpse of nature,
stilled enough for us to feel with too.

Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

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