Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

girl blue

i had dreamt you
in lost lobbys
the gleaming knobbed
cigarette machine

the candy hued band
soothing sweet aspirations

horrible halls
forever land

and out past the clatter of
the old electric sign
blinking in the static of
winters first rush

the snow fell white as
a hookers jacket
rabbit soft and quick

beacon winking on the hill
and tractors hauling freight
shifting down and idling
at the light

we are amber ambiance
drugged with the hopeless
cause

we are etched hard chrome
hanging bent crowns
on loves throne
an empty chair
the wilds in our hair

how we hunger and feed
a salvation of madness

our shoulders scraping
walls beneath boiler
pipes and your laugh
turning that corner
and lingering
like a wind

Last few words: 
for the Hood of long ago....when my forest days began..2007/2008
Editing stage: 

Comments

Your cleverly well placed thoughts into words and verse make me sigh for the memory of days long gone by.

we are etched hard chrome
hanging bent crowns
on loves throne
an empty chair
the wilds in our hair

how we hunger and feed
a salvation of madness

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Our eyes and souls still feel the same
we wear cloaks of the elder now
we are leaders
guides
tenders
watching youth test limits as they should

I have an ache in my heart
my soul
and my back is wretched
and Im haunted
more haunted then the house
on a carnies row

but I wake
I dress
I put on my shoes/boots
and kick it to the curb
there is NO CHOICE

author comment

‘’how we hunger and feed
a salvation of madness…’’Esker

it’s a lost desire in youth
we see nothing beyond
those short levels
smooch
vouch safe and splash
all our thoughts and medals
and as we dream of the covers under darkness
all is sheltered down below
none of us know
how to go
but we do go....

loved

and out past the clatter of
the old electric sign
blinking in the static of
winters first rush

the snow fell (white as
a hookers jacket) suggests the hooker's jacket is falling, i'd cut this or rewrite it
rabbit soft and quick

beacon winking on the hill
and tractors hauling freight
shifting down and idling
at the light
these 3 Ss are the best in the poem they are down to earth and free of poetic artifice and i'd cut what's above and start it here.
we are amber ambiance
drugged with the hopeless
cause this is less successful since it veers into abstraction "hopeless' 'cause'

we are etched hard chrome
hanging bent crowns how could you move to hang anything anything if you are 'etched hard crome', the metaphor is incoherent.
on loves throne
an empty chair
the wilds in our hair the rhyme of hair and chair is corny and obtrusive

how we hunger and feed
a salvation of madness nice line but what does it mean? do you really think a deseased brain is the same as resurrection and life everlasting?

our shoulders scraping
walls beneath boiler
pipes and your laugh
turning that corner
and lingering
like a wind you come back here to powerful simplicity that captures your emotions with clear and wonderful language. don't be seduced by your facility for words. you have a great gift but
less is still more
kind regards
ross

Seduced..dear me..

Corny and obtusive
well Hell YES

"rabbit soft and quick" seems small
inconsequential
..and I have seen people merely shed their coats
as a test ..and others scramble to pick them up
An old move by women...Think of the classic
Hanky of long ago...or nylon discarded on the
way to the bedroom

Abstractions.....Do we want advertisements to
hold our hands through a sale?
Nursery ryhmes full of complete sense

the youth of today love their WTF moments
and RANDOMNESS and so do I

I have met those who pursued much
and built much and sold much
and moved much for the most obscure
of reasonings
They truly were mad
but their happiness
their structures of worth for them
were dazzling
to others who interpreted and enjoyed
them in a completely different manner
then was intended

Much is articulated
I think you tend to think too much in
the physical realm
I did too for years
not flexing my thoughts
and freeing imagination

thanks to teachers and parents
now long dead
I am unworking all that
and moving into something
more abstract

I could explain the whole
paragraph but I have gone on
escapades for love and Lovers
of immense imagination and drive

I enjoy Disney and Harlequin
and admire Shades of Grey

but out there with the Nick Cave
world and Tom Waites

and realms where one either
goes in and comes out again
or not at all

there isnt much to say

Why do you think the crowns
are bent and the chair is open?

Less is more
more is less

Regarding Kindly Esker

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.