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Genie in a bottle

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Wed, 2012-02-15 07:39

Your words of kindness
Encourages
Eases burning desire
Caged in my bones
To end my life

Your love of goodness
Lifts me up
From ground in which I’ve fallen
Hard cold and damp
Your warmth covers me

Like a Genie in a bottle
I decanter your gift
Place on a mantel
Above my heart
Reach for on days like these

Last few words: 
sound better Jess. i hope so. amazing how one word use changes whole intent lol
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

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weirdelf

Fri, 2012-02-17 02:21

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this is well written but seriously flawed in intent.

It sounds like you only want him when he has something nice to say.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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Barbara Writes

Fri, 2012-02-17 06:08

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where there is peace and calm
unrest crouches at the door
then kindness sucks you in for the kill

kindness place on a mantlepiece
to soothe the blows later
is a coping solution

leaving has its own demons
staying the course makes you stronger
unless it kills you first

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Barbara Writes

Sat, 2012-02-18 12:35

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thanks for commenting

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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