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A Desert So Heavenly

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Tue, 2012-02-14 13:10

Senryu

Vanilla ice cream
Mouthwatering cake on top
Blueberry circle

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

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Barbara Writes

Wed, 2012-02-15 06:42

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getting the image to show
is what i wanted
glad it did even if
"images of little eyes standing around hungry, looking, wanting."
is what came through lol.

this dessert looked so good
i didnt wanna eat it
because its beauty would have been no more

but then, its taste was as good as its beauty
its taste still lingers in my mouth
yummy

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Barbara Writes

Thu, 2012-02-16 01:04

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Glad you think vagueness in the last line is a good feature
I trier to find a line of 5 syllable
To describe the blueberries place in a ciecle around the bowl place in the ice cream

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Barbara Writes

Thu, 2012-02-16 20:15

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glad its clear. i run the risk of sounding ignorant but, what do you mean by ambiguity

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Barbara Writes

Fri, 2012-02-17 02:09

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thanks for explaining. i see it from your perspective too.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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