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a coward's request

the spiderweb glistens on a naked night
the dew sparkles in the ivory moonlight
i dance carelessly on the skin of fragile ice,
warmed by the hepatitis-stricken sun.

my strong foot hangs over the cliff,
the weaker one stands on thin glass,
the temptress sticks her tongue in my ear.

my fate dangles high
on a crest over a jagged gorge
held only by the thread of blind luck.

i have gambled away all my tomorrow,
across the table sits the anointed collector
on his hand has a list of debts
old grievances unsettled,
and on mine holds a heavy rock.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


as though one is about to unleash a fury
and is weighing the consequences of such an assault.
In other words, those who live in glass houses
shouldn't throw rocks. especially big, heavy ones.

After reading your piece, I understand the title,
but it isn't one that would draw me in.
You might fix that by adding one little word! [In].

It probably doesn't matter that your enemies don't read poetry,
you didn't intend to warn them anyway. Good luck with your quest of vengeance. ~ Geezer.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

yes, 2023 is a placeholder while i think of a more suitable title.

author comment

your win! ~ Geezer.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

Hi, Celso,
A sense of throwing in the towel, no solutions, past despair. I very much like your new title, and the way it emphasizes your final stanza.
Thank you,

thank you L. i am glad you liked it.

author comment


When you have liver disease you’ll appear jaundice which is yellowing of the whites of the eyes and the skin pigmentation is orange. From the bilirubin. That’s some knowledge right there and I really enjoyed reading that line.

This reminds me of an anxiety ridden sleepless night. Pondering some actions taken and aware of the foreboding future. Great job laying tension in there.


thank you very much tim. the first time i saw someone with that disease stuck me deeply.

author comment

Congratulations your win in the contest with a fine poem.

I have Gilbert's syndrome it's a genetic disorder and it isn't life-threatening but it is a nuisance with regards to the medication I have to take and other factors with bring ill. I was diagnosed when I was in my early twenties but had it from birth unknowingly. I can become jaundiced from just bring stressed. I'm actually yellow atm as I'm in hospital. Sorry to overshare but your hepatitis-steicken sun line stuck out to me.

Congrats again on your win ...

Kind regards Seren

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

thank you for sharing seren. mich appreciated. i hope you are doing well.

author comment
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