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mosaic

Submitted by Celso G. Tertins on Sun, 2022-11-06 14:40

there it is again,
when moments slide in their exact position
forming a mosaic

that staircase bathed in lurid yellow-gold light,
as the back of your pretty head
and the lovely row of little hills where your spine meets skin
in a tender upward push

i was oblivious back then
to the brutal utilitarian nakedness of the wall,
and the saffron glow of our wrists exposed

walking sluggish five/six paces behind you.

all these time piled up, solidified mass
yet remembering just now
life right there was just a puzzle
and we, two matching pieces

sliding exactly fit

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week Contest November 6th to November 12th 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sun, 2022-11-06 17:57

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how we miss things that we should have seen right away! You know what they say? Hindsight is twenty-twenty. I felt the awkwardness of knowing that you missed out somewhere along the line, that you didn't appreciate what you had. ~ Geezer.
.

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Lavender

Sun, 2022-11-06 21:41

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I am not truly certain of the intent, but the language is so beautiful I somehow understand...the "brutal utilitarian nakedness of the wall" is such a great contrast to the rest of the poem, especially the title. There is a revelation - either realizing something that once was and is lost, or acknowledging something that is currently here. The imagery and references to the saffrons, yellows and golds give this piece such a regal feeling.
L
You may have a small typo - "all these times piled up" / "all this time piled up"
Thank you!

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