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CONTEMPLATIONS

Submitted by Trail on Sat, 2023-05-13 23:07

I wanted to write about stress
About being overwhelmed and anxious
Struggling to find a sense of belonging
In the mess this world has become

But it's not even about that
It's about the music that's playing in the distance
The melodies that come floating in the breeze
As I stand here on this balcony
Contemplating life

It's about the crescent moon far in the west
Waving to me her last goodbyes
And reminding me of my childhood years
When all of this was much simpler
Dear God, where did the years go?

It's about the smile on my mothers face
When I go back home after all this
The warm hug she gives me
Like she knows the world has not been kind

There's a warmth spreading across my heart
A quiet peace upon my soul
Staring at these city lights, I'm reminded
It's going to be alright
A. SWANTALALA

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
So a few minutes before I posted this poem I tried to copy it from my notepad and actually deleted it completely. I've tried to recall the entire thing from memory but I can't be sure this is it. Now I know how Bukowski. Or close to what Hemingway felt when he lost that suitcase full of poems.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-05-13 23:07

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Contemplations" by A. Swantalala is a reflective piece that captures the author's thoughts and feelings as they stand on a balcony and observe the world around them. The poem starts with a desire to write about stress and anxiety, but it quickly becomes apparent that the author has found solace in the beauty of the world around them.

One of the strengths of this poem is how it captures the small moments that can have a big impact on our lives. The author's observations of the music in the distance, the crescent moon, and their mother's smile are all poignant and relatable. The poem's message of finding peace in the midst of chaos is also a powerful one that many readers can identify with.

One suggestion for a line edit would be to change "Waving to me her last goodbyes" to "Waving her last goodbyes to me." This change would make the line flow more smoothly and improve the overall rhythm of the poem.

Overall, "Contemplations" is a well-crafted poem that captures the beauty and complexity of life. The author's observations are relatable and thought-provoking, and the poem's message of finding peace in the midst of chaos is one that many readers will appreciate.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Sun, 2023-05-14 08:46

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A beautiful poem, pondering life and its complexities while reflecting on childhood and warm memories. I kinda wish the poem had actually started on the balcony - that is such an inviting, thought-provoking visual. A lovely inspiring ending, hopeful.
Thank you,
L

Trail

Sun, 2023-05-14 15:03

Trail's picture

I couldn't sleep so I stood on the balcony for a moment to think and it just hit me. Thanks for the beautiful review L, I appreciate it.

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