Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The color of sadness

Navy colored tears drip down my pale cheeks
I try to wipe off the feeling but it sticks to my skin
The blue pours from my eyes and into my soul
I wish something would take me away from this awful place

Then out of my misery there came a rose-colored boy
His hair was shiny gold and his eyes green as grass
His skin shows bright like the smile on his face
I saw my blue complexion reflected in that smile and turned my head away

This rose-colored boy put his arms around my blue waist and pulled me near
I felt my skin start to prickle with the comfort of another
My skin grew hot like the color of fire
This happy green boy didn't squirm through my discomfort but held me closer

I let my pain go and swallowed my pride as I felt my blue color disperse
I watched the sadness swirl away from me and down the drain
My skin became a plethora of millions of colors
My hair a fiery red for the feeling of warmth that my rose-colored boy gave me

My skin a sunshine yellow for the happiness this boy has given me
My nails a bright purple for the pride that this boy loved me
I smiled at my reflection all the colors mixed into one
And now I know blue is a pretty color once mixed with the ones you love

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Your language use is good, and the pace is fine. This theme is one of finding happiness in another's reflection of you. I see this girl wanting a knight in armor, taking her away from the drudgery of her ordinary, sad life, where there is no fun. I liked the way she is reflected in the rose-colored boy, and he changes her attitude and color of blue to a rainbow skinned person of smiles. There is a bit of confusion here that shows her growing and feeling strange with emotions that she is only just becoming aware of. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I really enjoyed the moment you captured here & was about to write a lengthy response but then realised I was only going to repeat what Gee had said, just my words were more eleoquent! (Gee will not be offended by this comment, he knows me very well!)

Your writing is skillful & emotion packed...the cliche is that you write from the heart...cliche or not, you do & that's awesome.

Regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

I cannot say it better than Gee or One has. all I can do is tell you my favorite lines:

I let my pain go and swallowed my pride as I felt my blue color disperse
I watched the sadness swirl away from me and down the drain
My skin became a plethora of millions of colors
My hair a fiery red for the feeling of warmth that my rose-colored boy gave me

and the ending stanza is Killer!

* hugs, Cat

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.