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Changes

Changes

The pleasure boats of promise sail away.
An avalanche of friends; don't want to stay.

From high stepping love, the wounded heal.
Hands locked together praying all they feel.

Babes finalize a fond, farewell salute.
Kisses sadly blown like Krishna’s flute.

All for love I guess, they graciously
give more than get, pretending that it’s free.

Keep winter warm with summer’s dog-eared map.
Heat the hearth with twigs that burn and snap.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like the rhyming couplet form and enjoyed this very much. For some reason I keep wanting last line to say something like heat the hearth with twigs that burn and snap. Seems more natural but maybe its only me...........stan

I tried various last lines, the one you suggested was one of them, shall edit it in. thanks for your comment.

I thought this poem had slipped under the radar as no one else has said anything.

author comment

I felt this poem to my core its not very long but it conveys all that it needs to

I cant find anything to suggest, I liked Stans suggestion on the last line

it gives it more pop :) kudos

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I tinkered with this one too much, I read somewhere a poet saying you shouldn't work on a poem after the mood that inspired it has left, atleast not to add to it (editing is ok) I think that's true.

author comment

I believe your correct, I have tried to add to poems after the mood has waned it just doesnt come together for me, editing as you said is a whole other matter

hugs JC x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

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