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Ceiling Crickets
To the crickets on my ceiling, who sing when I’m asleep
I want to thank you for your song that you compose for me
Each night, I lie and hum along to your sweet symphony
And ponder through the things I’d do if I could live life free
I’d wander through an open field, I’d span and soak in seas
Taste slowly – every sip of rain, and climb like vines on trees
I’d bask in dampened sunlit sands while waves lap at my feet
And do whatever I would like, whenever I may please
Society is burdening and breaks your hopes and dreams
They brew a storm and send it forth to bring you to your knees
The pattern they prescribe for us ensures that you can’t leave
So when you realise their lies, then you become the feast
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words:
This is based around capitalist society and possibilities if they didn't exist
- Might be adding another stanza between the second and third but not sure for now.
Let me know what you think :)
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Alex Tanner
Sun, 2023-02-26 05:54
Crickets
Hello Flower Girl. I really liked this, particularly the first 2 stanzas. I would perhaps disagree to a certain extent with the last. As I have grown older (nearly 80) I have learned to say fuck off to any part of society that that does not suit me, but then I have always been rather selfish, and that to me seems the way to be free. But still it was a refreshing change to read something couched in an easy to read format. Alex
Flower Girl
Mon, 2023-02-27 04:28
Alex
Hi Alex
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my poem.
I understand where you are coming from with the "fuck off" attitude and love it. However, as someone who only just graduated high school at the end of last year and has just started external studies, I find it hard to escape the loop of needing to follow the integrated societal rules to survive and actually be able to get through this unsteady part of life. I'm still finding myself and the rising cost and insecurities of things is quite overwhelming. As well as this, to be able to pay for these expenses, I need to find a job which can allow people to take advantage of your skills and/or kindness to extremes. All I want to do is be able to live without all these uneasy prospects but unfortunately that just won't happen for me, not for now anyways
Thx,
Skye
author commentFlower Girl
Mon, 2023-02-27 04:33
Kat
Kat, thank you for the positive attributions to my poem, I'm glad you can reflect in it in your own way.
The struggles of women in society is an increasingly imperative issue and I'm glad that you were able to make your own interpretations of my piece, as that is what music and poetry is for - for people to become inspired and find insight of their own to share and immerse in.
Thx,
Skye
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2023-02-26 07:39
hello Flower Girl,
I really love the basis of this poem. I don't know about the adding an extra verse to this, because if not done carefully, it could harm the meaning. I think it is fine as is. that is only my opinion.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Flower Girl
Mon, 2023-02-27 04:36
Hi
Hi Cat, after reading it over and thinking about it more I do agree with you on the idea that it is best left as is. Thank you for giving me helpful advice and for you compliments.
Thx,
Skye
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2023-02-26 09:43
Nice work...
Yes, we can do better, but only with a truly level playing field. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Seren
Sun, 2023-02-26 09:46
I agree with you 100%.
I agree with you 100%.
Love and higgliest bugs Sis
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Seren
Sun, 2023-02-26 09:51
Dear Flower Girl
I thought the first two stanzas were outstanding, I felt like I was on a journey of discovery that was suddenly waylaid into darkness. But on reflection that maybe what your intention was. To paint this bright beautiful picture and the throw the black cloth of mourning over it. Emphasising what you feel is wrong with the world.
I'm of an age where I am in the stage of take no Shyte age. And if they tried to prescribe a pattern for me they'd get a rude shock. I am the captain of my own ship. Alone but still the captain.
Kind regards Seren.
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
RoseBlack
Sun, 2023-02-26 11:43
Crickets
I really like this! I love how you reflected on what you would do in simpler care free times and how you appreciate the crickets who sing to you at night for the reasons you mentioned. Well done!
~RoseBlack~