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Brushing My Hair

How freeing it is to be alone,
to have no one to call if i get home late.
How alive I feel to have the wind tangle my hair,
with no wandering fingers to gently untangle it.
It’s just my hairbrush and I in the mirror,
carefully tugging away at knots.

My favorite song is playing and as I sing along,
my voice carries and fills the room
until it is no longer empty (if it ever was).

I have no lover to text, no sweet letter to wait for.
I feel more love than I have in years,
loving myself and my life.
I am influenced by the tides and the winds,
and not the calloused hand of an unknown lover.

How freeing it is to comb through my hair,
and re-braid it into a delicate pattern running down my back.
I go for a walk, and have no one to shout out the door that
“I’ll be back”.
And I will likely be back anyways,
But still, maybe I won’t.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively uses the act of brushing hair as a metaphor for self-love and independence. It is a strong choice, as it is an intimate, everyday act that many readers can relate to. However, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery. For instance, the line "I am influenced by the tides and the winds" is somewhat abstract. The poem could be strengthened by replacing this with a more concrete image that shows how the speaker is influenced by nature.

The poem also seems to rely heavily on the concept of absence, specifically the absence of a lover. This is a compelling theme, but it might be more powerful if the poem also explored what is present in the speaker's life. For instance, the speaker mentions a favorite song and a walk, but these are somewhat fleeting moments in the poem. Expanding on these moments could help to create a more complete picture of the speaker's life and emotions.

The poem's structure is fairly consistent, which helps to create a steady rhythm. However, the poem could potentially benefit from more variation in line length and rhythm to reflect the speaker's emotional journey. For instance, shorter lines could be used to convey moments of intense emotion, while longer lines could be used to convey moments of reflection or calm.

The use of parentheses in the line "until it is no longer empty (if it ever was)" is intriguing, as it introduces a note of doubt or uncertainty. However, it is not entirely clear what this doubt refers to. If the speaker is questioning whether the room was ever truly empty, this could be made clearer earlier in the poem. Alternatively, if the speaker is questioning their own feelings or perceptions, this could be explored more fully in the poem.

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Hi Mark!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to thoughtfully analyze my work and value your feedback. You always have very interesting perspectives to share!
-MM

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author comment

I echo Mark's comment! an excellent poem. My only question is: what is the title of your favorite song? and who by(I guess that is two questions, lol!)

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Hi Cat!
Thanks so much! My favorite song is Jackie and Wilson by Hozier. What's yours?
-MM

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author comment

Hello, MM!
I might be completely wrong with the way I interpret this, but the narrator seems to be trying to convince herself of the positive benefits of being alone, rather than sincerely enjoying being alone - fingers gently untangling hair, no sweet letters to read, the absence of someone to come back home to, and maybe the hesitancy to return home at all. On the surface, maybe a freedom rally of sorts, but deep down, there is a loneliness there. Simply my interpretation. Much here to think about, and like.
Thank you!
L

Hi Lavender!
I love your interpretation! It adds so much more depth I wish I had originally intended it to come across that way myself. Now that I reread it and think about how I felt at the time your interpretation is spot on. As always I appreciate your thoughtful comments so much. Thank you!!!

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author comment
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