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Blow Hard Bitch!...

Wind soughs between the houses
makes a mournful sound
My tea is steaming up the window
Dead, ragged leaves blow 'round

Winter's leaving soon, she says
Don't forget me now
I say good riddance to you darlin'
Forget, I can't see how?

So blow your breath so coldly
Take a hike on down the walk
Because, Spring is coming soon
We just had a talk

As your brother Spring
warms up my aching bones
I'll revel in some greenery
About a thousand tones!

No more mono-white and grey
There'll be birds of every hue
Colors everywhere
No, I won't be missing you

The geese are back this morning
I heard them flying high
Red Robin's in the yard
A lady-bird has caught his eye

The seeds are ready, I am too
I'll shovel, rake and plant
So don't try to hold us back, dear girl
Because, you really can't

Brother Spring has sprung, you see
Your snowy veil is melted
It got all dirty anyway
From where my shovel tilted

So hit the road, come back next year
I've really had enough
Your brother Spring is on his way
Better leave or we'll get tough!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Best spring poem ever!!!! Blow hard bitch , haahahhaaa...well I hate to seem bias but you know I love the title
Wished id thought of it :) hmmmmm wonder what it would be about ?????

Best Always Z

when I was trying to think of a title, so you can probably say that you did think of it! LoL.
~ Geezer.
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true that! Thanks for the typo alert. I'll fix it. ~ Geezer.
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Apart from the inconsistent flow I seem to like the rest

Hommies

where it is inconsistent. Try reading it out loud. ~Geezer.
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Hommies thats not a critique its an unsubstantiated accusation unless you point out the specifics and try a little tact Please

the answer to Hommies. I think he may be a little short on tact, but that's okay. No harm, no foul. As I said to him, I don't see the inconsistencies. Maybe I'm reading it wrong? ~.
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Your not reading it wrong We can all handle a critique and have demonstrated this repeatedly and with grace.
Having said that we need to expect a certain level of judgment and insight beyond a wrench thrown or the workshop value is lost....Forgive the infatique edge PLS but isn't the whole point to generate a modicum of understanding... What kinda killer are you anyway??? :)

my sarcasm was lost there. I was being a bit sarcastic as it is my poem and I don't see how I could be reading it wrong. As you might see, I did say to him, that maybe he should try reading it out loud?

Maybe I should write a "Killer" poem killing my critics? Sounds like a thing that might work. Maybe we can have a barbecue! ~ Geezer.
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When I used to have the chat called "Chat On The Darkside?" It used to devolve into chaos in the last half-hour or so, but we used to have some good chats about "The Darkside". I wouldn't mind starting a club to write about the "Darkside" side of man; I'm game if you guys are! We could have a weekly thing. I don't think that we would have a prize or anything, but bragging rights, sounds okay to me.

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Thats a hella good idea :))))) BLA BLAM

start a club? I used to have a chat called "Chat On The Darkside". No chat right now, but we could have a contest for bragging rights! I'm sure that you could come up with some Hellish ideas. There are some of the members that used to have alternate personae and might still be interested. ~Geezer.
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But why the “...” in the title? Otherwise the poem is self contained with a common and popular theme

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

to Mark. ~ Geezer.
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a Bitch! If that's what you mean? Winter has been a bit of a 'bitch" this year. ~ Geezer.

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as sort of a trademark. I've done it ever since I've been here. I even use them in my private files. I have used them IN my work as a sort of pause and as a way to end a line by saying Hmmm or sort of a half-hearted question. I never thought of it before this, that people might question it, because I use it in my titles all the time. Hmmmm. ~Geezer.
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This is brilliant. Love your "Blow Hard Bitch" title. And I cant fault any of the poem. I've been through this 4 times. I really canr see anything to suggest to improve a well thought out and edited poem. This is a cracker winter moving into apring poem. Kudos

Love and higgliest bugs
Sis xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I was thinking hard about a title, and coming up blank; when I heard the wind blowing hard between the houses. I said to myself; "Blow hard, it won't be long now, Bitch!" I thought about how Zebra would like that and think that it had some racy stuff in it! I then came up with the title. I tried hard to get it right, and edited my ass off. I think that when you come up with a title like that, you should live up to it.
So, thanks again. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee.
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Brother Spring has sprung, you see
Your snowy veil is melted......??????

WE had an early spring snow
darling poet sir of neo
Don't forget
GLOBAL ALARMING YET
OKAY
warning you bet
more snow
clouds are promising to beget '

don't yet
snow in Canada forget

I couldn't care less about Canada getting snow! As long as it's Spring here, I don't give a shit. As far as I am concerned, Spring has sprung here and if we get any more snow, I'm going to pack it all up and deliver it to your doorstep! ~ Geezer.
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I thought
I had not read you at all
The ''Blow....''
PART BLEW MY MIND

I thought your poem was metaphorical
as BLOW here we see
differently
GEE Your Blowing was lovely
Sorry

I'm sorry as fuck if you took that as a nasty retort. I like you in spite of yourself. LoL
I see that you don't really get sarcasm and Yankee humor. I guess that I should be more thoughtful, when I reply to certain people. Nah! Fck that! If you don't know by now, that I'm a fun-loving, goat-getting, people person... Don't be so hard on yourself or me. All in fun sir. ~ Geezer.
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keep fucking
i know nude
yankee gals mostly
u r of course
fuxingly loved
like by'ly

Nothing to add re critique, much has been said, so simply aplause from me x

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

I always appreciate even a comment on my work. ~ Gee.
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Nothing to add re critique, much has been said, so simply aplause from me x

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

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