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A Bayliner Across Oceans

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Mon, 2011-01-24 00:36

My my my looks like fun
speeding across ocean waters
over blue ripples
under summer sun

The cool wind mixed with warmth
blowing in my hair
under summer clouds
in a red and white boat screaming.

If only I weren't afraid
of the vast waters
enveloping my soul
taking away my breath

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Barbara Writes

Fri, 2011-01-28 20:01

Barbara Writes's picture
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Thanks for the suggestions. I think they are good. The one about screaming loud would not describe me. In a situation like that I'm not screamer but is quiet, I would grab a hold of you burying my head the whole time. You could not pry me away lol.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Barbara Writes

Sun, 2011-01-30 19:15

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As usual I know nothing about everything. I've never been around a bay liner only seen on TV. I saw an add advertising one for sale on face book marketplace.and it look like fun. So I imagine fun and wrote about what it might feel like.

As you may have realize by now I don't follow conversations very well. A story of my life. Lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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