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And He Smiled...

When he walked into the bar
He got the stranger stare
He listened to the whispers
Of the dusty drinkers there

And he smiled at the silence
That settled on the room
At the barkeep leaning over
Making motions with a broom

Hey, what can I get ya?
A frown upon his face
Saying to himself
You should pick a different place

But the boys that shot some pool
Didn't look up from their play
He could give him just one drink
Send him on his way

It is almost closing
He was thinking to himself
When the stranger spoke up loudly
"I'll have that whiskey on top shelf"

With that, the boys in back
Their ears pricked up a bit
Hey, the stranger, he's got money
How much ya think we'd get?

Hey partner, what's your name?
Come play a few with us"
Have a drink or two
Nothing happens here, unless...

He lost a game and then another
But then he won three straight
There was whispers; He's a player
As he sank another eight

There were grumbles on behind him
He tried to leave, but then
One said; I asked you once before
What's your name, again?

I didn't say and he smiled
But it's Killer, sonny
"Oh yeah, let's have a laugh
Give us all your money"

Killer turned to walk away
The big guy grabbed his arm
Green teeth and broken nose
Gave him no little charm

Killer smiled and shrugged him off
I didn't come to fight
Well, that's too bad my friend
It's happening tonight

And Killer smiled and said okay
If that's the way it is
First, let's have a drink on me
So you know that I ain't pissed

I need some entertainment
Some exercising too
And tossing down the double shot
Said; I'm ready, how 'bout you?

The leader stood to face him
Killer says; Hey whoa
I meant all at once my friends
Hey, come on let's go

All six of us, piling on?
That don't seem real fair
Yeah, I know, it's usually more
But tonight, I just don't care

I'll take it easy on you boys
I just want to have some fun
Just two rules, for this game
There ain't no knives or guns

He pulled his Bowie from it's sheath
Put it on the table
When we're done, drinks all around
If any of you's able

Bodies flying everywhere
People yelling shit
They fought the fight fantastic
They did well, for just a bit

Killer wasn't breathing hard
They were out of breath
Then one made a big mistake
Leading to his death

He grabbed the knife and swung it
Killer stepped aside and then
He chopped the hand that held it
And struck once more again

Eyes bulging and a throat that closed
Gurgling sounds he made
He held his face, his broken nose
A slurring prayer, he prayed

He's killed Big Jim, get him now!
This ain't no game no more
Said the one who's nursing
Loose teeth, and arm that's sore

Killer picked the Bowie up
Said; It's his fault, you see?
I didn't want for him to die
But he forced it up on me

I said; before, no knives or guns
Didn't want to hurt you
Now, there's dead, there will be more
If you won't let me through

A gun appeared, and more knives
Killer sighed and then
The was a bit of action blurred
Killer had killed again

He whirled and twisted, slashed and cut
He ducked bullets all the while
Two more went down, he stepped back
They landed on the pile

The stench of blood, filled up the room
The panting breaths of all
Killer says; Let's quit right now
Come on boys, your call

The last two stared at the bloody mess
Of the wicked used to be
Not a mark showed on the Killer's hide
They took this chance to flee

Killer felt a little better
Got the bottle from the bar
Said who's the owner of this place?
Someone said "You are!"

What's that you say? Killer scowled
"The owner's dead, you killed him
Now the bar belongs to you alright
Glad to see the last of them

So Killer stayed for a while
The bodies disappeared
New dishes on the menu, man
Yeah, just like you feared

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I was thinking that it was soooo long, that I was going to post it in two parts, but someone told me that I should post it all together, because lots of people won't look for the second part. Ok, hope you didn't get tired of reading it and liked the story enough to read it 'till the end.
Editing stage: 


very Robert Service...i like these kind rough cowboy ballads...but sadly i don't understand the the change of bar ownership happened, why you feared a different menu...
I also get no sense of this now, a hundred years ago. Does that matter? maybe not, but may help me understand the if it's in a lawless part of the west.
Yes it is long, i think you can condense without losing too much.

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

you haven't read a lot of my Killer stuff. I didn't think about that. I just assume that everyone knows Killer. The time doesn't really mean much. The story of Killer has been presented in two ways. In one he is hundreds of years old and in the other he is middle-aged about now. [He was in Vietnam about eighteen or nineteen.] Killer is a gourmet chef, a serial killer and a cannibal. He delights in getting rid of the bodies, by serving them to unsuspecting people. The bar changed hands because Killer has killed the owner and the locals were sick of the gang terrorizing the town and glad to be rid of them. He has great powers of recuperation and seems to age very slowly. I am writing his life story and trying to sort out a lot of things about him. I could have made the story longer by adding the facts about his cooking and predilection for human meat, but I was afraid that the story would be really too long. I guess that I could have made it clear that it was in the badlands of Arizona or desert areas, where there are few lawmen, even today, but given the fear that it was too long already...Thanks for the read and comments. I will look it over and see if maybe I can make your points clearer. ~ Geezer.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

To you walking around with this character in your head. The gourmet cannibal...thanks for taking the time to explain in that long response. The poem has a cowboy roughness about it. Fun to read
William Blake made up a ton of characters to tell his visions. What superhero or Wagnerian warrior will defeat killer! Der held!!

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

how Killer is my alter-ego and he has been a large part of my first years on Neo. I don't think that I could ever kill him. I read the Halloween Killer at an open mike a couple of years ago and recently ran into someone who was there that night. He's like; "Dude! I have been hoping that you would show up with more of that Killer character." I was telling him that having fallen on hard times financially, that I haven't been able to afford to go out and have the few drinks that it takes to get up my courage to get up at that mike. He says that if I show up on open mike night, he will buy as many as it takes to get me up there! Glad that I could clear up some of the confusion. ~Geezer.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

Now I understand
that kinda fella
who has been in the jungles denser
than anywhere ever
Vietnam I
u r a good long story teller
I read only HALF
ask Ian

I delight in telling tales with my poetry. Killer is my alter-ego, and he has his own A.E. Sir Gee! LoL
Sir Gee is the one that tries to keep him from cannibalizing his victims and making sure that he only kills bad guys. Thank you for the time you took to read my long poem and the response. ~ Gee.


Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

It could be twice as long and worth it for that bloody lovely line
'They fought the fight fantastic'
Still chuckling, you made my morning.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

I guess I need to do more killer stuff. He does make for a good story. That line came about as I was thinking about Killer dancing and twisting as he fought them and I thought of the line "Tripping the light fantastic", but not wanting use that exact configuration... Glad I gave you a chuckle. ~ Gee.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment
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