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Acrid

Submitted by lou on Tue, 2010-11-02 16:39

Incessant flow of acrid torment,
gouging a trench into an effulgent pebble.
Dull throbbing that never ceases.

Torrent of hell holding me down,
as I gasp and fight for air ,
and struggle to throw the darkness out.

Chinks of light expand,
seeping across my mind.
The nightmare receding.

Escape from a living hell,
I’m human again.
For now.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
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Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2010-11-02 20:03

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A picture of torment and hellish chains. I wonder that some people can go on. You have painted a picture of
a person that suffers and yet sees the light at the end of the tunnel and crawls toward it on their hands and knees. i like the poem, yet do not like the horror that it describes. I feel very bad for anyone that has to deal with it on a regular basis. Very descriptive and the word usage superb. ~ Love ya, ~ Gee

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

lou

Wed, 2010-11-03 00:36

lou's picture

Thank you, the poem is not about anyone in particular thankfully , it was just an exercise in imagination.

Much love Lou xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

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judyanne

Tue, 2010-11-02 23:53

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i really like this descriptive.

just one thing
'Dull throbbing that never goes away'
- i think another word or phrase for 'never goes away' is needed for poetic flavour
some suggestions
'never ceases..... never subsides.... . will not desist....

well written lou - i enjoyed it (if that's the correct sentiment)
insight into nightmare - awake or asleep.....
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

lou

Wed, 2010-11-03 00:39

lou's picture

Thanks Judy , I'll change that bit .

Love lou xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

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lou

Wed, 2010-11-03 02:18

lou's picture

Your a great support

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

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lou

Wed, 2010-11-03 05:11

lou's picture

Thank you so much

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

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Hooded Stranger

Tue, 2010-11-09 13:55

Hooded Stranger's picture

excellently executed (not easy to say three times fast after a couple of Jack Daniels).

This is especially well written since you just wrote it as an exercise. I find it hard to write about something I haven't experienced, so very well done.

HS

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lou

Tue, 2010-11-09 23:20

lou's picture

Thank you , (nothing is easy to say after a few Jack Daniels, I usually mispronounce my own name lmao)

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

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