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The Accident
Confusion abounds as thoughts run wild,
The oldest adult is reduced to a child.
Time stands still or moves in sliding slow motion,
All meaning seems lost in the depths of an ocean.
Sounds echo back or are lost in a wail,
As terror reigns and fears prevail.
Crashing and slashing the noise cuts through
As soft men in white bend over you.
Soon they are gone and the night swallows all,
But the memory of it we will always recall.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2020-04-13 02:39
Short and to the point...
but it's missing something. Just can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's your habit of running the lines so together rather than putting them in quatrains, that makes it seem so brutally short. ~ Geezer.
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Gracy
Mon, 2020-04-13 11:03
Good write about a horrid
Good write about a horrid accident. I do think the rhyming is sort of forced. Form does that, but less obviously. Perhaps you can re-arrange some lines...just my thoughts. Take or toss.
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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury
c lynn brooks
Mon, 2020-04-13 15:18
I think
what is missing is was this written as the first person(you) or is about someone else and you are the bystander
Chrys
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