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The Abandoned Child (Horror Story WS)
Alone in the park
I'm left alone
Soon wears the dark
I'm all alone
Not a spark of hope
I'm still alone
With the dreadful bark
Some fears die
Others grow
Alone
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Many stories go around about moms who abandon their children...Alas!!
I thought the repetition of word alone to bring a kind of dreadful feeling. What does everyone else think :)
Editing stage:
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Jordan
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Comments
Rula
Sat, 2015-08-01 07:33
I know
horror stories are usually tend to be more effective when a bit lengthy. I thought short can be sometimes effective though.
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author commentGeezer
Sat, 2015-08-01 19:52
I was...
prepared to find more when I hit read more and at first was disappointed. Then I read it again and found that it left much to the imagination and what I could imagine was more horrible that what you had written! That, I think is the key to writing this horror-story, stirring the mind of the reader to reveal all the horrible things that might have happened. Well done! ~ Gee
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Rula
Sun, 2015-08-02 15:14
Thank you Gee
You got my intention!!
I'm glad to know it worked well with you.
You made my day!!
Thank you
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author commentSparrow
Sun, 2015-08-02 18:53
Rula
So much loneliness in so few words, I have just put on a piece from my thoughts on the "Great Bears Wisdom" I wrote a few years ago as a complete set of the Wisdom.
Called "Walk Alone"
Yours is sweet and I know that you will never be alone, so I worry not..
Yours Ian..
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
wesley snow
Sun, 2015-08-02 19:43
I agree with Gee
It's what's between the lines... the obvious fears... that is the horror story.
I might have found a more childlike way to say the last line. The story to me was about a child, but the last line is very adult.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Rula
Wed, 2015-08-05 15:38
I agree sir
About the last line. I didn't like it either.
Hope it reads better now
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author commentwesley snow
Fri, 2015-08-07 15:46
Much better.
I hear the child only.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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