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Passion- posted on behalf of China Blue- Splash Pool Workshop

Passion is the tides
Surge, ebb and flow
The roar of an approaching storm
Fires of hell burning
Bright

A lion’s hunger
When on the prowl
To the ocean’s depth
It is felt

Lust never fulfilled

Love is a comfort zone
An unconditional giving
Where no boundary lines are drawn
A knowing without a whisper
A reading of the signs

Love always fulfilled

Passion without love
Is empty
Love lacking passion
Leaves a void

Why can they not co exist
In one

Editing stage: 

Comments

I don't think you are looking for stronger words, just a more definitive way of arranging the thoughts. I thought you did fine, until you got to the "fires of hell, burning bright." I'm not sure that those words or the concept has a place in this one. Maybe use: The flames of desire, burning heat? I don't want to give away all of the ideas that I have for re-writing this one, so I will just leave you with that. ~ Gee

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Here's a quickie rewrite. Hope it doesn't miss your point too badly

My passion is a restless tide
surging, ebbing, ever flowing
the rumble of approaching storm
the heat of hellfire, bright and glowing

A lion's hunger
on the prowl
the ocean's depth
the coyote's howl

A lust I hope to never fill

My love is a comfort zone
of unconditional love
a quiet yet unbounded moan
a quiet knowing without sign

And always fulfilling

Either one without the other
feels so sterile, incomplete
why can't they exist as one
within a single soul, replete?

now let's hear some more variations............stan

A question for you Chrys, are you sure this is about being in love with two different people? The writing itself seems to contradict you, for example, "Lust never fulfilled," and "Love always fulfilled," leads me to believe that the poem may be about one person and the fact that you inevitably go elsewhere to fulfill your lust.

Also your second last stanza and the last two lines sort of complete that idea for me, that you're frustrated over the fact that you cannot find the ONE person that fulfills both your needs for love and lust, but that you find each need fulfilled, in TWO different people.

That was just my take on it and I was wondering if you could let me know your thoughts on my thoughts? :) I do like the poem and can't wait to rewrite it. I've been in such a rut myself with my own writing that I love how this workshop is going! It is just so easy to help someone else rediscover the spark in their work than to have to wait to be sparked myself.

That sounds kind of sad, but anyway, please let me know, thanks!

-

Guess I just put 1 toe in mouth not entire foot lol. You can submit your rewrite any time you are ready..........stan

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