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MoonNight Gaze

Darkness
The beauty of its perfect
Solitude
Enveloping me in an
Embrace
Others not seeing the
Advantage
Of developed moon night
Gaze
The quiet of its noble
Grace
Moving unafraid with
Oneness
Ebony darkness, cool and tranquil in
Silence

Then the aurora slowly starts to
Encroach
Quiet is replaced by dawns
stinging rays
Daybreak begins as leaves and grass
Turn
To welcome the coming
light
Peace of night is broken by the
Teeming life
The calm of night gradually
Retreats
To rest beyond the reach of mornings
light
The never ending place where infinity
Meets eternity.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
this poem is about the night people who only wish to be left alone. I wrote this as if we were seeing what they see. (through There Eyes)
Editing stage: 

Comments

the peace of night, (Oh my, did I do something wrong?) the type is red. Nonetheless, I will carry on. The first verse contains the word its five times and that bothered me for some reason. I notice the use only once in the second verse, which seems more solidly composed. The “its” in the second verse could be dropped and the line changed to “To rest beyond the reach.” I like the work and wonder if some editing of the first verse might enhance the flow and drop the excessive use of “its.” I am NOT and expert so please take this with a grain of salt.

vexations

IT'S done, hahaha,
thanks much better on the tonque
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I like the feel to this one, this line interests me
"Others not seeing the
Advantage
Of developed moon night
Gaze",,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"Quiet is replace by dawns
stinging rays",,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,should that be "replaced" ,,,,,,maybe
ziggy

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

that line refers to the people of the night, who hide during the day. there advantage is there ability to see at night better thanwe can. it's like walking into a dark place and closing your eyes for a 10 count when you open them you see better, because now you pickup all refracted light.
thanks for stoping by to read!
Eddie
PS. made the correction

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

The calm of night gradually
Retreats
To rest beyond the reach of mornings
light
The never ending place where infinity
Meets eternity.

Beautifully conceived and written! I think this is one of your best!

always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Thank you so much Cat, I appreciate it so much!
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Thank you for the warm invitation into the Splash Pool. I must regrettably decline your offer as I have already accepted an invitation into the Olympic Pool just yesterday. I'm so sorry, but if I find the other pool too deep for me, may I join in with you? I'm sure I would have had lots of fun and enjoyed myself imensley. Thank yo so much for your gracious offer.

always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

You can stop by as a special guess an time. I will sign you up so you can pop in anytime you please. How that for an invite
You buddy,
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I like the way the poem turns night into day, I could almost feel the earth awakening. The only thing that I would change is line 7 'Of developed moon night,' i feel it does'nt fit very well, maybe you could say ' of unceasing moon night,' or ' of perpetual moon night,' or maybe ' of infinite moon night'.

Just a thought.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

those lines are refering to the people of the night, who have develope the ability to see in the night better than day light people.
this poem is about those people who I see every day for I am also a night person.
thanks for the suggestion, but maybe you can see now why. it's us seeing through there eyes.
thanks for the read!
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

thanks for the spell binding as only the little witch could say it.
just read the comment I wrote to lou. this is seeing through there eyes
thank you so much little Witch
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

thanks for the Fabulous,
I'm glad you get it!
Eddie C
nice to hear frrom you. hope everything is good.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Unlike most poetry dealing with dawn, this one deals mostly with the end of night instead of beginning of day. I applaud this perspective and your poem.............stan

thank you and your right it is about night.
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

...doth do kill the peace of night,
I wonder at my solemn moon, and the peace of a dreamer's plight.

It does feel like the sun takes away peace, almost like the coming form of death in quite an inevitable sense.

I'm not very practices in commenting on other people's writing, and the only reference I have to merit it against is my own. That said, and even though I'll not comment much on form, I do like the shape of your poem. I like the title, especially because there's something terribly off about it.
And I like that you portray night as quite graceful, I've always experienced it as such.

Yours

Waldo

I do appreciate you coming by to read.
Please always remember that this site is a workshop, and we are here to learn, will at lease I speak for myself.
so feel free to voice your opinion. that's what we do here.
it is how we learn!
thanks for the sensitive comment.
Eddie C.
PS if you look in the box you'll see I check feel free to knock me on my arse!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I'm not good at knocking people on their arse. Poetry's art, and I've always had a thing about people critiquing art. I understand there are certain forms, almost none of which that I adhere to, and as such. can't impose on other people.

But let me put it this way. If I ever read something I don't like, and I see that box is ticked, I'll try my very best to be a mean... well, let's leave that word out of it:) I'll try to give pointers though, but I'm quite sure you've been at this a lot longer than I have.

I didn't see anything I didn't like though

Yours

Waldo

your like a pro already,
and so deplomatic, Hahaha!
fast Eddie Esq.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

a night person most of my life, and now having to try and be a day person, [by necessity] I fully appreciated your poem. Everyone else has made the criticisms I would have made so, I will just say; this made my day. Thanks! ~ Gee

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Thank you!
nice to see you on my page
Eddie C

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I appreciate that you pick up on the continuations.
Thanks buddy
Glad you came by.
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment
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