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Bamboozled or an elaborate scheme

In the darkness of the unseen
Predatory, it lays in Wait
Hidden on a mental screen
Playing all the buried hate

Expounding on every fear
Growling, Licking its lips
In the eyes a menacing Lear
Awaiting to take little nips

Destroying life as it's known
In many bits and pieces
Just to hear agonies moan
As an unwritten thesis

Now at the moment of death
Realizing it is the final ride
Waiting for that last breath
Knowing nowhere to hide

Is it just Retarded
To think there's something after
No return, for the departed
All that is heard is laughter

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

but this sounds possibly like a suicidal depression. a person is more in need of help for these mental disorders than those physical types that entrap me.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

No suicide, a realization when death comes that God or king can not help. No heaven no hell, very far from suicide, knowing that there is nothing after who wants to die. this is the grim reaper coming to make a house call.

Thanks for the read, if that's how you perceived it that's good. Now it has become two poems.
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

A few typos you could fix like
In the eyes a menacing Lear [Leer? or is it a Shakespearean reference?]
A waiting to take little nips [Awaiting, one word]
Is it just Re-tarted [did you mean Retarded or tarted up?]

Yeah, I do like it, the rhyming scheme, the scansion could be tweaked but it really doesn't matter. Especially I like the tone and meaning.

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

Thanks for the eagle eye, Wow, I didn't think anyone would get the Shakespearean reference.
Good for you, Respect.

Thanks for the read and liking it.

Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment
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