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Finding Home (edit)

The way home
Is not always found
On the road
Or just traveling around

The way home
Is a mental state
Created by longing
Hope and a little fate

A smell from a kitchen
The sounds of children
Playing in a yard
Seem familiar and common

The lake, park
Or a diner
On Sunday morning
With my father

A picture in the mind
Of somewhere safe
With happy people
Who were so kind

There are times
That we don’t see
Where home is at
For lack of a key

That lost moment
In a world that has forgotten.
Feeling abandoned,
Like an enfant

Some how
The power of a memory
Takes us straight back
And so abruptly

Isn’t it wonderful!!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

'Is a metal state' did you mean mental?
Might I suggest that some negative associations might add to the robustness of the piece?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Yes Mental is correct, as I always say. "Run away fingers"
I have taken your suggestion and added the negative associations.
Thanks brother!

Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I feel the piece is stronger now. Good revisions.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

It still needs more work...

Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

but I didn't much care for it as poetry. I love the theme and the vignettes are compelling, but it isn't poetry in my ear.
This is a "list" poem and I'm not crazy about it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Didn't care for it much myself, just wrote it and decide to post it as is. I will return to it and make some changes that will make it sound like poetry.

Eddie C.
Thanks for the visit feel better!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I hope you do work on this to give it a more poetic leaning
lol - this is one I'd love to play with
I look forward to what you do with it
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I liked the theme as well as the message...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you, it is appreciated!

Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment
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