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It Was Just Right

The porridge tasted pure and light.
It was just right.
The broken chair an abject sight -
a sorry plight.
The small intruder's golden hair
now rested on a pillow there.
She dreamed a dream of sweet delight.
It was just right.

I'll tell the truth, the story quite --
not one washed white.
It may have not been fair a fight --
advantage height.
For trespass paid in manner foul,
to pieces ripped from throat to bowel,
her liver cooked for tea that night -
it was just right.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Goldilocks and the Three Bears makes extensive use of the literary rule of three, featuring three chairs, three bowls of porridge, three beds, and the three title characters who live in the house. There are also three sequences of the bears discovering in turn that someone has been eating from their porridge, sitting in their chairs, and finally, lying in their beds, at which point is the climax of Goldilocks being discovered. This follows three earlier sequences of Goldilocks trying the bowls of porridge, chairs, and beds successively, each time finding the third "just right". Author Christopher Booker characterizes this as the "dialectical three", where "the first is wrong in one way, the second in another or opposite way, and only the third, in the middle, is just right." Booker continues "This idea that the way forward lies in finding an exact middle path between opposites is of extraordinary importance in storytelling".* (*Booker, Christopher (2005). "The Rule of Three". The Seven Basic Plots: Why We Tell Stories. Continuum International Publishing Group. ISBN 0826452094. http://books.google.com/books?id=tujDvUEpY10C&pg=PA229.) ............ Of Note: The original Goldilocks was called 'Silverlocks' - an old woman who was a thief... and she was eaten by the bears........ ..... octogram - two stanzas of eight lines - syllable and rhyme format 8a 4B 8a 4b 8c 8c 8b 4B... 8a 4b 8a 4b 8d 8d 8b 4B
Editing stage: 

Comments

deserved a good mauling! Bloody well done, beautifully constructed and written.

On reading your afterwords I couldn't help wondering if you considered continuing the rule of three in the structure of the poem? Perhaps 3 verses, rhyming triplets even anapestic trimeters!

I know, sorry, got carried away.

Have you ever read Angela Carter's feminist retelling of fairytales like the company of wolves? They are also a delight.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

very much for that support...
again lol - i was tempted to go triolet...
- but octogram won the day - anyway i still got the three 'just right's in :)

love judy

ps - anapestic trimeters !!! lol
why don't you go, try it yourself
then let me know how you do fare
if your dum ta dan tan dum ta ta dums
- oh hell
- no not never even tempted to dare...

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

uh uh, that's one challenge I'm not taking, and I realised the meter would have to be Amphibrachic [da DUM da].

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

i don't even know what that is :)
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

thanks so much
lovely to be back - only very part time for now though i'm afraid
- 'real life' is getting in my way...!!!
love and hugs
judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

lovely to see you
- hope all has been well with you
thanks for the lovely comment
hugs
juddxxxxxxxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I like the telling of your story best! It cleverly unfolds to a roaring good ending!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

lovely to see you
lol - of course you and eddie would like this version :)
thanks so very much for the great comment
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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