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Increments of Solitude

as yesterdays hand
slips off my shoulder
tomorrows embrace
takes my lips

in this, today
I breathe a thousand sighs
and soar a
breathless wind

I've heaved the night
until the day broke
and stood in the middle
of all and nothing

and now I live
in the milliseconds
between this world
and the next

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This is 1 of two poems that I took away and worked on extensively ...
Editing stage: 

Comments

awesome writing!

_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent

Wei Wu Wei

Well, your work really paid off, because this poem leaves my amazed and breathless! I love it! Just one suggestion: Millisecond is one word.
I'm so glad to be reading your work once again!

as yesterdays hand
slips off my shoulder
tomorrows embrace
takes my lips

brilliant start and smashing ending!
always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

i absolutely love
'as yesterdays hand
slips off my shoulder
tomorrows embrace
takes my lips' .....

'i've heaved the night' .... however
'heaved' - just sounds 'wrong' to me (lol imho of course)
- harsh on the ear in a poem of such acceptance....
- i would like to suggest - dependent on what you are meaning of course

Writhed with/ expelled / breathed .....

love and big hugs
judd
xxxxxxxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

breathlessly and deceptively simple and profound. Would you believe I almost skipped it as a love poem? Crikey, one must not be so quick to judge. But so much is posted with so much to comment on and so little time!

It makes an argument for good titles, and while it works as a line, I think it's a terrible title. Although I can't seem to come up with a better one at the moment. Generally a title that adds to the poem, rather than being a line from it works best with short poems.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

oh, that's not what you meant, is it? [grins]

"Between Worlds"?
"Breathless Wind"?
"Increments of Solitude"?

oh and
milli seconds [milliseconds?]

I just opened chat if you still can't sleep

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I'm going through a bit of a change right now and this poem calls out to me. You've captured how I am feeling. Thank you.

.

J.A. Fisher

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