Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

I'm Too Old For This

I'm too old for this, family gatherings
hosted during the holidays
where family thinks hashing out stinking crap
is the highlight for the evening

Highlighting each other's shameful dirt 
airing out dirty laundry, and 
throwing dead bones from the closets, upon
everybody's heads, not my idea of family bonding

A thin line of love, bringing together, can't bond, when
sucker punches, legs sprawled, white panties, and
cellphones going viral on YouTube, madness
dad sneaks off to get his gun, fire a shot, ending it all 

The calls and texts are still coming
will you be coming to moms tomorrow? not a chance,
I'll be any place but, having me alone time
eating somewhere drama  won't be 

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I'll be straight and hope I don't insult you. I don't much like the poem. The content is good (though it sounds like you have a rather tough family), but the form is less poetry than an essay with line breaks. One might call this a cathartic rant (essentially blowing off steam). There just isn't the elegance of language I see in a lot of your other poems. The first stanza works the best and if the rest of the poem were patterned accordingly I think the poem would have a chance. As is there simply isn't any beauty to the language. I pick on this because I have read many of your other posts and know the poet is stronger than this.
I hope I haven't hurt your feelings, but I didn't want to just shmooze you.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

but not this time. I was simply writing poetry as I often do.
I not sure what your problem is with it. i think its a awesome write.
Do you have any suggestion. I don't take my writing that seriously.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

I certainly don't have a problem with the poem. I was just sharing what I thought. For goodness sake, don't stop writing the way you do and don't take anything I say personally. I would never intentionally hurt someone's feelings. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

hanks for sharing

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

I said to a wise friend
"my family really know how to push my buttons"
he replied
"of course, they put them there"

This poem, and yes it is a poem, spoke eloquently of family dysfunction and rage.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.