Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

THE FORGOTTEN

Even the dead are kept in mind, years after
Anniversary notices flustering to confirm
When your lineage stops in your generation
Our people say, you will be forgotten quickly
Your compound, overgrown with grasses
Termites build on walls, your house, no more

Except by the unforgettable things you did
Like the first man to walk on the moon
You may well be with the unnamed crowd
That lived, ate and slept or just existed
The living forget so soon and in turn
They are forgotten, even before they die

Who remembers those we sent out to die?
In a country, where rebels cut human limbs
And stack them as sign posts and messages
From their frustration in the diamond deals
Deals of greed that do not concern us at all
Our unsung heroes die defending the powers

Ills of the society have made people mad
They roam the streets, barely unknown
They too see others as having gone insane
So insanity stalk our easily forgotten dreams
Horrible dreams, we couldn’t comprehend
Bizarre, they were, but now beyond recall

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I read this twice. I will just lend my mind here for you in this write. I think you could say all the same things but in a shortened up version of it.

You are telling a story about the forgotten and you have done so well. I only mention this for you to go back in and see what you can omit without losing any of the story. Let me know what you think and I may be able to help you if you like.

If not by all means keep it the way it is, it is your story

Not to be forgotten:)

Blessings
Mona

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.