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THE FATE OF MAN

Submitted by t. reflexion on Tue, 2011-07-26 11:55

Stunning and sloppy flowers concur
Where cherubim and seraphim wait
In the garden with the wafting wind
Along with flaming swords, watching
Over the children not to eat the fruit

A child’s play, deep in memory
With the other who sought for freedom
To treat as equal in the blooming estate
What were her virtues if not assayed?
A serpent lurked, enticed with a fruit

To know between evil and good implied
That which brought painful labour to operate
A deserving punishment for disobedience
Temptation, trials and toil triumphed
On issues that settle on the fate of man

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

t. reflexion

Wed, 2011-08-03 14:30

t. reflexion's picture

Living with me here, I have Gabriel who dictates from time to time, Anima, my other half and the story teller who follows my shadow. There is also the silent voice – Uyio Ndobo who rarely speaks as his main subject borders on the sublime, I am, while t. reflexion gathers them as observer. Best wishes.

A family of story tellers
Assembled in my house
Where pen and paper
The furniture I have
Compel me to write in verses
Barter for their lack of hands
My other words are heard
In conversational drills
And dialogue takes the dwell

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

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